Rock Bottom
by TheSecretBar
Summary: Lorelai gives Luke an ultimatum that he refuses which causes her to make an irreparable mistake…or is it? This story takes place at the very end of 6.22 "Partings".
1. Chapter 1- Lorelai

**A/N:** I never ever thought I'd write a story that was post season 6, but here it is. This is my season 7—the shortened version— and how I feel the L's could/should have handled things. This story is a lot different than ones I've written previously: a little more angst and alternating POV's with much shorter chapters to keep the story moving forward.

* * *

Holy shit, my head is _pounding_. What happened last night? Maybe if I keep my eyes closed the pain will go away. Yes, because that's how hangovers work, Lorelai. Get a grip. You can do this. Tequila. There was definitely tequila and not enough water. And, oh my God, I'm naked. Why am I naked? Christopher. I came to see Christopher. Oh no, please tell me we didn't. Please, please, please. This is his guest room, and I didn't want to sleep in my dress. That must be what happened. I was too drunk to drive home, and I crashed here. Wait, is that G.G.? And Christopher? I definitely heard Chris's voice. I was right. We slept separate, not together.

I finally peel open my eyes as I hear the bedroom door open and G.G. ask, "Who is that?" I lie still, not moving a muscle, hoping that if I don't move or make a sound they'll go away. I just want them to go away. Chris shushes her and tells her it's me. Aunt Lorelai? Since when…I can't think about that right now. My heart feels like it will beat right out of my chest as I listen to Christopher try his best to send his daughter off with the nanny and leave me in peace. The door finally closes, and I'm able to relax a tiny bit. My stomach is churning, I need to get out of here as soon as…

I feel the bed dip and the covers pull back. A bare arm wraps over my waist, and it takes everything in me not to lean over the side of the bed and puke. He grabs my wrist gently and rubs his thumb across the back of my hand. It's in that moment that I remember exactly what happened the night before.

It was comfort I was seeking out. A friend. A person who reassured me only hours before that he would always have my back as I would for him. I didn't want to be alone, and I told him that. The tequila went down so easily, and it left me tingly but numb at the same time. I wanted to feel something, anything. I wanted to feel on the outside what I was feeling in my head for months and months: out of control. There's only so much bottling up a person can do when it comes to their emotions. Sooner or later the pressure of it all causes an explosion. Lying in bed naked with Christopher is the unfortunate result of that explosion.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my voice low and hoarse. I sit up quickly, pushing Christopher's arm away, and the room starts to spin. This isn't right. None of this is right. Leaning forward with my face buried in my hands, I try to collect myself.

"Hey, it's okay," he says soothingly, but it only makes me feel worse. "G.G is gone for the rest of the morning. We have the apartment to ourselves." He sits up, scooting closer, and starts to place tiny kisses on my bare shoulder.

"Don't," I say sharply. Taking the sheet with me, I stand and turn around to face him. "This was not supposed to happen. What am I doing here?" It takes everything in me to not cry. I'm afraid if I do I'll throw up for sure. That would put the final nail in this coffin of humiliation that I've found myself in.

"You came to me, Lor. I thought this is what you wanted." He hesitates as a thought suddenly occurs to him. "Don't you dare blame me. I did not force you to drink a bottle of tequila and I did _not _force you into bed."

"I'm not saying you did. I'm saying—" My phone starts ringing before I can finish talking. It's muffled but nearby. After plucking my clothes off of the floor, my phone tumbles back down and lands near my bare toes. The display says RORY, and there's no way I can face her right now, so I silence the call.

"Lor," Christopher pleads as if he's the one in absolute turmoil over the situation. "Come back to bed. This is just the tequila talking. Once you've had some rest and maybe something to eat—"

"No!" I shout. He needs to take the hint, and I don't know how else to get my point across. After a few deep breaths, I finally look up at him. "This was a mistake, Chris. I shouldn't have come here, I shouldn't have stayed here, and I shouldn't be here now."

Clutching my belongings to my chest, I make a beeline for the bathroom on the other side of the room and lock the door. Only then am I able to finally let the realization of what I've done sink in, and it hits me full force. There is no way out of this situation. It's irreparable. _I think you've officially hit rock bottom_, says this little voice inside my head. I tell it to shut up as I quickly dress in yesterdays clothes. Two aspirins—make it three for good measure—and a swish of mouthwash later, I walk back into the scene of the crime. The bed is now empty, thank God, and I spot my car keys lying on the floor next to the nightstand. I creep down the quiet hallway, and I'm caught off guard by the sound of Christopher's voice from inside the kitchen.

"Are you sure I can't fix you anything? You really shouldn't be driving like this."

"I'll be fine. I need to get home. Rory's probably worried sick, and I have enough to deal with without the whole town knowing I didn't come home last night."

I turn to leave, but not before he gets in one last word. "I don't see the big deal, Lor. You told me you two were done."

I sigh and close my eyes briefly. How was it possible to fall for such a selfish person all those years ago? Why did I never see what everyone else saw? Christopher was like a drug, but not the kind that would hurt you. It was the kind that put you in a trance, and while inside that trance, you hurt other people around you. Only when that drug wears off are you able to see what happened. He was exactly the drug I needed in dealing with my grief over Luke. It felt good in the moment (him coming to Lane's wedding and our fun banter at dinner last night with my parents), but once it wore off, all that was left was a feeling of disgust and dread. That's what being in a relationship with Christopher felt like. I would be damned if I let that happen again.

Finally I open my eyes and say, "You wouldn't see this as a big deal, Chris, that's the problem."

I climb into my Jeep and blast the A/C. The tequila is starting to radiate from my pores, and I hope I can make it back to Stars Hollow without having to pull over and puke. Against my better judgement, I check my phone. Five missed calls: three from Luke and two from Rory. Shit. Even with the A/C on full blast, I feel as if I'm suffocating. I unzip my driver's side window and breathe in the warm, May air.

I decide to pull into a gas station off of I-84. My mouth feels like sandpaper, and I'm incredibly thirsty. As soon as I put my Jeep into park, my phone goes off once again. It will only make things worse if I continue to ignore it, so I decide to answer when I see that it's Rory once again.

"Hey, kid!" I can't help but cringe at the sound of my own fake, high-pitched voice.

"Mom? I've been trying to reach you, were you sleeping?"

Oh, how I wish I was. "No, hon, I'm driving. Is everything okay?"

I can hear her sigh with relief, and it hits me again how badly I've messed up. "I'm fine. A little bummed about Logan being gone, but um, Luke called me this morning. He said you didn't come home last night. He sounded pretty worried, Mom. Where are you?"

Shit, shit, shit. I guess they call it the walk of shame for a reason because that's the only thing I feel right about now. "I'm on my way home…from Hartford. Look, it's a long story, I'm sorry I worried you, but I can't talk about it right now. I promise I will fill you in when my head is no longer spinning, okay?"

Please take the hint, Rory. "Okay. Are you and Luke all right, though? He said you guys had a fight outside the diner, and you left."

All of these questions. "Rory…" I let the silence linger for a second until suddenly the taste of stomach acid and tequila hits the back of my throat. I'm able to get in an "I gotta go" before hanging up and throwing up out of the side of my Jeep. Classy, Lorelai. After purchasing two bottles of water and a packet of cheese crackers from the gas station, I get back on the road and head home. Now that I have something in my stomach, and I'm a little bit hydrated, I can start to figure out what exactly I'm going to do.

Chris was right; I did tell him that Luke and I were over. I keep telling myself this to try and temper down the feeling of guilt coursing through me. A part of me knew that he wouldn't want to elope. I didn't care, I had to try something. He seemed so content with how things were, and I hated that. Why couldn't he see that I was suffering? Why didn't he notice that I was pulling away just like he did? _Are you blind? He has April now, he doesn't need you_, says that annoying voice inside my head. That's a lie, he _did_ need me. That birthday party was a disaster, and he called _me_ for help. It's not my fault that he didn't run it by Anna first. Why was I put in the middle of that argument? If the only problem in our relationship was Anna and April, getting married would have solved that. Why couldn't Luke see it that way?

Suddenly my conversation with Carolyn in the backseat of her car last night floats to the surface. I was so excited that she gave me one more thing to blame my parents for that I didn't take what she said at face value. I use marriage as a solution to a problem. Why didn't I see this before? It all makes sense now. I got pregnant; I was told to marry Christopher. Max and I were fighting; I said I would marry him to put a stop to it. Rory bailed on me to go and live with my parents; I ask Luke to marry me so that I would feel happiness instead of pain. And last night, I expected Luke to marry me right then to solve the Anna/April problem. Maybe the anecdote I thought Carolyn had given me was actually a hand grenade. I tossed it into the middle of my relationship with Luke and blew it into a million pieces.

_Luke tried to call you, remember? Maybe you didn't completely ruin everything_, says the voice. I feel like there is no way to salvage my relationship with Luke. Not now. It would take a special kind of human to look past what I've done and see things for what they really are: a jumbled up mess caused by two people who used to be so in sync, but who've lost their footing along the way. I love him deeply, but I can't continue feeling crappy and neglected. I had no choice but to end things. _I'm not so sure Luke will see it that way. Are you sure _he_ knows you're over? _Damn that little voice.


	2. Chapter 2- Luke

What the hell happened? I haven't see her for almost two days, and she shows up wanting to elope? Why now? And on what planet would Lorelai Gilmore want to run off and get married without Rory? None of this makes sense to me. All I can do is stand there, on the sidewalk crowded with troubadour wannabes, and watch her walk away. She needs to cool off, and then we can talk about all of this. I want more than anything to chase after her and at least make sure she makes it home okay, but I have a diner full of people. Besides, she is obviously in no condition to have a rational conversation.

I turn and head back inside. Maybe if it clears out early enough I can close up and head to her place so we can talk. _Don't you mean your place, you _and_ Lorelai?_ says this voice in my head. I tell it to pipe down as I head into the kitchen to help get Caesar caught up on orders. As I drop a basket of uncooked fries into the scalding oil, I can't help but think about how upset Lorelai looked when she came into the diner. Something happened before she showed up. Something had her upset before she even asked me to drop everything and run away to get married.

How could she question the fact that I love her? I do everything I can for her. I was patient when she needed me to be; I never pushed her to set a wedding date. I bought us a house and then backed out so that we could live together at her place. _You also promised no more secrets_. That's not fair. Finding out I had a daughter out there for twelve years flipped my entire world upside down. How is a person supposed to handle that? In retrospect, I could have handled it differently, I guess. Keeping a secret of that magnitude was not one of my finest moments, I know that.

The timer on the fryer starts to beep and I lift the basket so the grease can drain. After refilling a few coffee cups and cashing out a customer, I decide to at least call the house and make sure Lorelai is okay. I don't expect her to want to talk to me, but I have to at least check in.

BEEP

"_Either I'm out and about, or I'm screening this call. Make it good."_

BEEP

I hang up without leaving a message. She must be in the shower, or like she said, screening her calls. We need to talk face to face. We've fought before in the almost two years since getting together, but not like this. The last time I saw her cry was six or seven months ago when Paul Anka was sick. We need to fix this, _I _need to fix this.

At 10:30 I finally get the diner emptied and cleaned up before locking the door and heading for the house. I haven't exactly thought of what to do if she's sleeping or refuses to talk to me or…isn't home? I walk up her empty driveway and stop in the middle of the yard, puzzled. Was her Jeep parked by the diner, but she left it when she walked home? I try to think back to if there were any cars on the street tonight when I left. It was deserted. Even the troubadours had cleared out by the time I closed the diner.

I fish my keys out of my pocket and unlock the front door, slipping inside quietly. The house is still and dark, not one lamp turned on. It's almost eerie. After switching on the lamp in the living room, I check the kitchen and Rory's room which obviously are empty. I toe off my boots at the bottom of the stairs and then climb them slowly, hoping once I reach the bedroom I find her a little more collected than she was a few hours earlier. Much to my disappointment, the bedroom is empty.

Screw face to face. I pull my cell phone out of my shirt pocket and hold down the number one to speed dial Lorelai. It rings and rings until the call rolls over to voicemail. Again, I don't leave a message. _Coward_, says the voice. _You have nothing to say for yourself_. Not true. I have plenty to say, and if she would have given me time to think earlier, I could have made her see that what she was wanting me to do was insane, for the both of us. She took a drive to clear her head, that's all. I've done that before; it can be therapeutic for some people.

I drag my hands down my face—it could use a shave, but that's the least of my worries right now—and decide to shower while waiting on Lorelai to call or hopefully come home. The dresser we decided would be mine is painfully empty, and her words about finally getting my stuff and moving in all of a sudden make me feel worse. Why had I put off moving in here? I'm not traditional by any means, and I've always thought that waiting to get married before living together was a disaster waiting to happen.

The only excuse I can come up with is distractions. So many distractions. Rory and then April, and yesterday it was Liz and T.J.'s drama. I try so hard to tune in to everyone around me, especially Lorelai, but what happens when she stops talking back? How can I figure out what she means instead of what she says if she isn't saying anything?

The shower does nothing to improve my mood or make me feel better about things. It's now after midnight, and I should be tired. Oddly enough, I'm wired. Lorelai has to know that I would be going crazy not knowing where she went off to. _Clearly she doesn't care_. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to ignore the voice once again. She _does_ care, and I care. I've never loved someone like I love Lorelai, and I probably never will.

Whimpering from downstairs draws my attention, and I grab my cell phone before following the noise. Paul Anka is lying on the floor near the end of the couch, and he lifts his head upon seeing me descend the stairs. Was he here the whole time? I didn't notice.

"Hey, buddy," I say as I stoop down to pat his head. "Have you seen her?"

As if expecting him to actually answer, I wait a second before standing back up. He lies his head down once again and that's when I realize he's scratching at something underneath the couch. Thinking it's only one of his many toys Lorelai insisted on buying him, I turn and walk towards the kitchen. "Forget it. You have a whole basket full of toys." He barks once, loud and sharp, and I stop in my tracks. I turn around to face him, both of us staring each other down duel-like.

"What?" I ask as I make my way back towards the couch. He whimpers once again and paws at the hardwood floor. Sighing, I get down on all fours and take a peek underneath the couch. Something shiny catches my eye, and I'm able to reach it with the tips of my fingers. No, this can't be what I think it is. She wouldn't. She _couldn't. _I sit back on my haunches, my palm facing up, and stare down at Lorelai's engagement ring.

I close my fist around the diamond tightly, feeling the sharp corners bite into my skin. Pulling my cell phone out of the pocket of my sweat pants, I speed dial her once again. No answer. I consider calling Rory, but I don't want her to worry. That's when it hits me: maybe she went to Rory. That makes complete sense. She came home, obviously angry, and chucked her ring across the room (who does that?) and then decided to drive to New Haven to decompress and vent. It was plausible; a little thin, but definitely plausible.

Four hours later I wake with a start. Unaware of my surroundings at first, I finally realize I fell asleep on the leather chair in the living room. It's still dark outside, so I can't see if Lorelai's Jeep is back or not. Without even looking out the window, I make a beeline for the stairs, taking them two at a time. The bed is empty, and there's no sign that anyone has slept in it. The clock on the side table tells me it is five in the morning. This is ridiculous. I scramble back downstairs and try Lorelai one more time. It takes everything in me to not throw my cell phone against the wall in frustration when she once again does not answer. It's early, I know, but I have to make sure she's okay. Holding down the number two, the call connects, and I wait for Rory to answer. Just before it rolls over to voicemail, I hear her soft voice say, "Hello?"

"Rory, it's Luke. I'm sorry to call so early, but I really need to speak to your mom. Can you wake her up, and put her on?" There's no use in trying to cover up the panic in my voice; it's all I can feel at the moment.

She's quiet for what feels like way too long before she finally says, "Um, she's not here. I haven't seen her since I stopped by my grandparents house last night. Did you try the house?"

I can hear the blood rush to my ears as my heart rate starts to pick up. My mouth goes dry, and I swallow hard. "I, uh, I'm _at_ the house. I've been here all night, and she didn't come home. We, um, had a fight last night outside the diner, and she left. I thought she was coming here, coming home, so when she didn't, I assumed she was with you."

Rory assures me that Lorelai is not there, and I have no choice but to believe her. She wouldn't lie to me, would she? She even offers to try and call her mother, too. We hang up, and I stand there briefly, unsure of what I am supposed to do now. My stomach growls, and I realize I have not eaten since lunch the day before. After filling a tea kettle with water and placing it on the stove, I root around the fridge to see what Lorelai has to offer. Junk, of course, but I spot a pack of English muffins toward the back. Grabbing one, I separate it into two halves and pop them in the toaster oven to warm.

As I wait, I play back my conversation with Rory in my head. Was I giving her too much information by telling her about the fight? No, I decide. She needed to know how serious I thought this situation was. _You didn't mention the ring you found._ Damnit, the voice is back. I lean on the counter with my face in my hands until the whistling from the kettle startles me from my thoughts. I pour the hot water into my mug and let it steep briefly while I butter the two muffin halves. My stomach is in knots, but I force down everything anyway. I need the sustenance.

Paul Anka starts to scratch on the back door, signaling he needs to be let out. I crack it open so that he can prance through out onto the porch and into the yard. The sun is starting to rise, and the sky has a golden, pink color to it. I walk out onto the porch, barefoot, and lean against the railing that faces out onto the backyard. Paul Anka has disappeared from sight, but I can hear his sharp barks start to ring out into the otherwise quiet background. Climbing down the back steps quickly, I call out for the crazy dog hoping that he doesn't wake up everyone within a few mile radius. I round the corner of the house and stop dead in my tracks. In front of the garage sits Lorelai's Jeep, and standing next to it, is the missing woman herself.


	3. Chapter 3- Lorelai

Oh, thank God, he's not here. I'm not ready to face Luke yet, let alone have to explain my whereabouts. I pull all the way into my driveway, right in front of the garage, and shut off the engine. As I'm leaning over to grab my empty bottles of water and my purse, Paul Anka comes barreling from behind the house and into my car door, barking crazily. Panic sets in as I'm left to assume that I didn't close my front door last night when leaving the house. My heart twists at the thought of my poor dog roaming the streets alone because his over-emotional Mommy spent the night somewhere else.

I climb out of the Jeep and stoop down to check and make sure he's all right. He looks okay and very happy to see me, so I can't help but smile at him. "How did you get out here? Did Babette let you out?" It's early in the morning but quite possible that Babette heard Paul Anka barking and decided to come over and let him out. I search the yard for any sign of her before standing up and adjusting my dress. That's when I see him. Luke, standing on the side of the house, staring at me as if he sees a ghost.

Suddenly, I know exactly why Paul Anka is outside. Luke has been here the whole time. I cringe inwardly at how bad this all looks. _It looks exactly like it should. You were with another man last night who wasn't your fiancé_, the voice reminds me. I tell myself again that Luke is not my fiancé. Logically, it doesn't matter, and I feel as terrible as he looks, staring back at me, waiting for me to say something. I clutch the empty water bottles to my chest, as if they will somehow protect me, and slowly make my way to the porch.

Luke rounds the bush at the corner of the house and trails behind me. I can feel the tension between us rise with every second that passes in silence. By the time I reach the top step, Luke finally speaks.

"Where were you, Lorelai?" he asks softly, and I can already hear the fear in his voice.

I turn around slowly to face him. The look on his face pains me, but I have to stick to the plan. _Plan? You don't have a plan. Whatever plan you had went right out the window along with last night's tequila. _"It doesn't matter," I answer, my voice sounding so small and unrecognizable.

"It doesn't matter? I've been here all night going crazy not knowing if you were okay, and you have the nerve to stand there and tell me that it doesn't matter?"

His voice is starting to rise, and I look around nervously; the last thing I need is Hello! magazine getting a whiff of this. I take a deep breath. "We're over, Luke, so no, it doesn't matter."

"What?" he breathes. The shock is evident on his face, and I want nothing more than to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. "We are _not_—"

I turn quickly before he can finish speaking and head into the house, but not before the tears I've been holding back all morning start streaming down my cheeks. I try to shut the door, but he expertly slips in behind me. "Leave, Luke. I can't deal with this right now." I head for the stairs, dizzy from the tiny bit of exertion, and I start to climb them slowly.

"Which part about what happened last night is supposed to have me believing that we're through?"

I exhale sharply. "Gee, Luke, maybe the fact that I told you it was now or never?"

"Why did it have to be now or never? Do you honestly believe that you would have been okay getting married without Rory there? I sure as hell don't."

Shit. In my last ditch effort to make something happen, I guess I didn't really think of all the logistics. Of course I wouldn't want to get married without my daughter there, but that's not the point right now. "I admit I was a little bit irrational last night, but this was a long time coming."

Luke shakes his head in disagreement. "That's not true, and you know it. You said last night that you were skulking around for months, but you hid it pretty damn good because I had no idea."

The room starts to spin and I close my eyes tightly. "It doesn't matter anymore, so please go. Please."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me where you were all night. I want to talk about this." Luke stands rooted at the base of the stairs as I look down on him from the landing. He's not going down without a fight, I can tell.

I wipe one side of my wet face with the back of my hand and sniffle. My hands start to shake, and I look down to see that I'm still holding the empty water bottles. An hour ago, the only worry I had was keeping down the water and cheese crackers I had consumed on the drive home. Now, staring at this disheveled man in front of me, this man I still love so wholeheartedly, I worry that what I have to say will completely break him.

"I had a drink with a friend." _A whole bottle, you liar._

I watch the confusion wash over his face. "What friend?"

"Jose Cuervo?" Judging by his clenched jaw, that was not the right response. I look down at the floor, unable to look him in the eyes as I say, "Christopher."

It's quiet, too quiet, and I have to fight the urge to look up and gauge his reaction. I'm suddenly aware that Luke is barefoot and wearing his sweats and a t-shirt. I don't know why this matters, but these are the things I'm thinking about when he finally asks why.

I shrug with one shoulder, chewing gently on the inside of my cheek. "I had no one else. It was too embarrassing to go to Sookie's house _again_, and Rory was throwing a farewell party for Logan. I had saw Chris earlier at dinner, so he was the next person on my mind."

My mind is starting to feel like a rabbit hole. With each reason I give him, a new door opens with things I would have to explain. As if reading my thoughts, Luke asks, "When I came here yesterday morning and talked to Patty, you hadn't been home all night?" Staying silent, I shake my head and he continues, "And dinner? What was that about?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sigh. "My mom invited him so that she could try and set him up with someone she knew, a therapist. It didn't really go according to her plan." All of a sudden I'm wondering if I'm referring to my mother or to the therapist. I know Carolyn didn't exactly tell me to do what I did, but she _was_ giving me advice.

I force myself to finally look at Luke just as he drags his hand down his face in frustration. "I'm trying to connect the dots here, Lorelai. Something happened to you between dinner and you ambushing me at the diner."

Bristling slightly, I narrow my eyes at him. "I didn't ambush you. I was upset, and I've been upset for _months_."

"Again, you _never_ told me. I know there have been a lot distractions lately, and I know I've been having a lot of alone time with April, but I thought it was fine. I thought you of all people understood why I needed to do that."

I can't help but laugh bitterly at his assumption. "You _assumed_ I would understand, Luke. We never had a conversation about it, _ever_. Yes, I went along with it because I wanted to keep the peace, but it was a ridiculous situation! We were supposed to be getting married, and everyone else in town, including my _daughter_, had spent time with April, but not me. Please, please explain to me how you thought all of that was fine."

I'm seething now and can no longer stand still. I brush past him and head towards the kitchen to throw away the trash I'm still clinging on to. Luke follows, of course, and stands next to the water cooler watching me. As if on autopilot, I start to fix a pot of coffee while waiting for him to respond.

Finally, he walks over to the kitchen table and pulls out a chair, sitting down heavily with a sigh. I keep my back to him as I focus my attention on the dark elixir flowing into the glass carafe. He starts to talk, his voice calm but low.

"Last summer, when you and Rory weren't speaking, was hard for me to deal with at times. You would put on this show for everyone around you and pretend you were fine. To be honest, I couldn't tell half the time when it was real and when it was fake. You were hurting, I knew that, but I gave you all the time you needed to deal with it. Even with all the pain you were going through, we still managed to stay together and become a lot stronger. I _thought_ we were stronger. Then Rory came back, and April popped up. Suddenly our roles reversed. You were happy again, and I was living inside my head." He pauses briefly. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I finally saw myself as a good fiancé, so I thought we were strong enough for me to focus on becoming a good father. _That's_ why I thought you understood."

My bottom lip starts to quiver as I realize how incredibly selfish I have been. Luke is right. He gave me all the time I needed in dealing with Rory before I could even think of setting a wedding date. It wasn't even Luke who pushed for the date to be set in the first place, it was Sookie.

_The damage is done, time to fess up._ Pushing the voice's words aside, I reach up into the cabinet for a mug and fill it to the brim. The aroma hits my senses, and for the first time since waking up, I can feel myself relax a little bit. "Luke," I say, my voice raw with emotion.

"Please don't ask me to leave, Lorelai. I want to do whatever it takes to fix this. You were angry last night, I get that, but you can't just decide that we're over. I-I love you more than anything, and I know I don't say it enough—"

A sob catches in my throat as I force out the words. "I slept with Christopher last night."

Once again, silence takes over the house. I stand there, silently crying, and wait for Luke to pick up a chair and toss it against the wall or for him to flip the table over and scream in anger as if he was the Incredible Hulk. Nothing happens, and I start to question if I actually said the words out loud. Finally, I decide that chair-breaking, table-flipping, and screaming would be better than utter silence, so I turn around to face him. "It was a mistake, Luke, and you have to believe that I didn't go there for that reason."

Luke nods slowly, and I can't tell if it's in agreement or him processing my confession. All I can see is his profile, so I am unable to read his eyes. His jaw is clenched, and I have to refrain from reaching out and smoothing the worry lines on his forehead. I was never one who enjoyed being given the silent treatment. There's this need in me to fill the void, and like word vomit, I can't help what comes out. "I don't even remember what happened. There was tequila, lots of tequila, and I just wanted to make the pain go away. I have never felt this awful about anything in my entire life."

He leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs, and hangs his head. I can feel his anger building as I watch his back start to rise and fall with rapid breaths. Part of me, the twisted part, wants to get a rise out of him, to see him get angry over all of this. The other part of me is terrified that if he does, there's no way we can come back from it. I stand there, quietly, waiting for him to respond.


	4. Chapter 4- Luke

My head is spinning as I try to push away the images of Lorelai and _him_ in bed together. The thought makes me nauseous, and I feel myself start to breathe heavily. How could she do this? After everything we've been through, and the fact that part of the reason for our first breakup was over a secret tequila night. How many more times is this going to happen? I'm angry, so angry. This was the last thing I expected to hear come out of her mouth. But underneath that layer of anger, sits the desire to hear what else she has to say. There's a small flicker of hope burning in my chest, and I decide to latch onto it.

I reach into the pocket of my sweats and hold up her engagement ring. "So, you think because you took this off and threw it across the room, it meant that you were free and clear to do whatever the hell you wanted, consequences be damned?"

She looks stunned which is exactly what I was hoping for. "I-I _wasn't_ thinking clearly. I was humiliated at how I acted and pissed at the fact that you didn't even come after me. Seeing that ring on my finger after that felt like a huge lie." She pauses and takes a breath. "Honestly, I don't remember throwing it, and I'm sorry you had to find it like that."

I nod before looking down at the ring in the palm of my hand. The night of her proposal comes rushing back, and I think about her words to me. _"I just want to be happy right now, okay?"_ Finally I look up at her and ask, "Was us getting married ever about love, Lorelai?"

My heart twists as I watch the pain wash over her face. It can only mean one of two things. Either I've hit the nail on the head, or she can't believe I'm actually questioning her intentions. A stray tear rolls down her cheek, and she swipes it away before finally speaking.

"I've never loved anyone the way that I love you. And I didn't know what to do with that, because I didn't think that I could have it, or keep it, or that I even deserved it sometimes." She sniffles. "When I came to you last night, I had just spent about an hour in the backseat of that therapist's car. She told me that I view marriage as a solution to a problem. It's true, I guess, but it doesn't mean that's the only reason why I wanted to marry you, Luke."

Her mind is like Pandora's box; every time she tries to explain something, a new piece to the puzzle emerges. "And now?" I ask, forgetting about all the details for a moment.

"Now, what?" Her eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Do you still want to marry me?" I stand up and face her, sliding my hands into the pockets of my pants.

She bites down on her bottom lip gently before dragging her teeth across. Despite the situation, she looks so beautiful, and it takes everything in me to not pull her close. There's this spell she has over me, since the very beginning, and it always succeeds at pulling me in, even when I don't want it to.

Having her own request thrown back at her has left her speechless, and I get a tiny bit of joy in watching her squirm underneath my penetrating stare. "It's not so easy, is it?" I ask softly, trying not to intimidate her.

She shakes her head slowly. "We can't get married, Luke. Not now."

"I'm not asking you to marry me _now._ I'm asking if you want to marry me at all."

She looks up as if the answer is written in the air above us. Finally her eyes meet mine, and she says, "I've lost myself, Luke, in these last few months. I became a different person. Someone who was obsessed with a wedding, someone who hid her feelings from everyone instead of being up front and honest. That's not me, and I don't know who that person was. Waking up in his bed made me realize how bad I had been spiraling, and that moment was me truly hitting rock bottom." She pauses and her voice cracks as she says, "I think we need to take some time and think about what we really want. We're both hurting and so jumbled up right now."

Her response surprises me, and I have to swallow hard to keep my emotions in check. Maybe some time apart will do us some good. A little perspective never hurt anybody, right? There's still so many questions on my mind, but I guess they'll have to wait. We're both emotionally and physically spent, and it'll only make things worse if we keep picking at this scab on our relationship.

Nodding, I take a deep breath and sigh. "Okay we will, uh, take some time. How does this work exactly? Will you be avoiding the diner?" The question takes me back to our first breakup and how miserable I was—I hated not seeing her everyday. A sudden feeling of sadness starts to outweigh my anger, and I feel tears prick the backs of my eyes.

She sighs. "I think that's what's best, for now. It won't be easy, but I think we both need to clear our heads."

"Can I call?" My question surprises me just as much as it does her. "Not all the time but to check in and make sure you're okay."

"Of course," she says in a way that tells me she was hoping that I wouldn't cut off all communication with her.

I'm not sure if it's the spell or the fact that we're not completely giving up on each other, but I reach out and cup her face, smoothing the pad of my thumb over her tear-stained cheek. Dipping my head, I touch my lips to hers ever so lightly, half-expecting her to pull away, but she doesn't. Instead, she wraps her arms around my neck and deepens the kiss. With our bodies standing flush and our tongues swirling gently, I forget about everything going on. The spell wins again.

It's not until a soft moan from deep in her throat emerges that the spell finally breaks, and Lorelai pulls back slowly, panting. "What was that for?"

I'm panting as well, and a part of me wants nothing more than to go upstairs and finish this kiss. Instead I say, "Just in case I don't get another chance."

She smiles; a small, barely noticeable smile. I give her hand a squeeze before leaving the kitchen and going upstairs to change clothes and head to the diner.

By 10:00 the diner finally hits that lull between breakfast and lunch, and I can finally stop to collect my thoughts. There are a lot of wrongs I need to right, but there are also a lot of answers I need as well. The only place I can start, without having to talk to Lorelai, is with Anna. I need to know what the conversation was between her and Lorelai. Mainly so that I can get a better understanding as to what put Lorelai off, but also, to make sure this didn't cause any friction for me visiting April.

I let Caesar know that I'll be in my apartment if he needs me, and I quickly climb the stairs. After dialing the now familiar number, I wait for someone to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Anna, hey, it's Luke. Do you have a minute?"

"Sure, but only a minute. The store is swamped, and I came to the house to catch my breath." She doesn't sound upset, but there is a slight edge to her voice. It's then I realize that we haven't talked since that day in my apartment.

"Look, are we okay? That day you came by here…"

"We're fine, Luke. I overreacted about the party, April helped me see that. I'm not used to sharing her, and when she said how great it was, I couldn't help but be a little bothered by it."

I chuckle softly at how she is downplaying her reaction. "A _little_ bothered? You said you were so mad you couldn't look at me. I gotta tell ya, I haven't heard that phrase since I was about five."

"Well I _was_ mad. I've cooled off now, so all is good." She pauses. "Did Lorelai tell you she came to see me?"

My turn to downplay my reaction. "She may have mentioned it, nothing specific. What did she have to say?"

Anna blows out her cheeks. "She apologized for the party, said it wasn't your fault. I think she wanted to put me at ease by introducing herself, and she seems nice, Luke, but like I told her, I need to make sure _you're_ sticking around before I can let her get involved. If you were married, it'd be different, but engaged isn't married." _It seems Lorelai didn't get there by herself_, says the voice, once again.

Doing my best to temper down my anger, I say, "Have I given you a reason to believe that I'm not sticking around? I know it took me a while to reach out in the beginning, but since then I have been nothing but available to April. Ten days. I spent ten days on a bus filled with kids, and we all made it out alive. What more do I need to do to prove to you that I'm here for the long haul, Anna?"

There's silence on the other end, and I'm almost sure she's hung up. It wouldn't surprise me; she's got the ammo. She has my daughter, and the final word on whether or not I can see her. Finally, she says, "Keep being consistent, Luke. It's only been a few months, remember that. I can tell you're a different man from the one I used to know, and that's a good thing. Whether it's aging or that fiancée you have, it's working. I have to go, though. You can call back later if you want to talk to April."

After we hang up, I sit on my leather chair for a long time replaying the conversation in my head. I got so upset at Lorelai for having the audacity to talk to Anna that I never considered she was trying to help make things a little better for all of us. It makes sense why eloping was the only quiver in Lorelai's pack. Between whoever that therapist was and Anna, Lorelai didn't know what else to do.

_You're making excuses for a woman who slept with another man_. I'm not making excuses, I decide. I'm trying to sort through this mess. Now that I know what Lorelai has been holding back all of these months, I can see how everything must have looked to her. Anger is still sitting on the surface. At her, at myself, at two different people telling Lorelai how our relationship needs to be. _Don't forget the guy she can't seem to quit._ My teeth clench at the thought of his name. What type of person lets a woman get blinding drunk—over what I'm sure she told him was a breakup—and then sleeps with her?

As much as the thought disgusts me, I can't help but think about how vulnerable Lorelai must have been. She was out of her mind and distraught when she found me at the diner, I can't imagine her state of mind after a bottle of tequila. _You're doing it again._ I am _not _making excuses. Lorelai is a good person and would never intentionally hurt me or the people around her. It's _him._ Once he gets involved, things seem to go haywire. I've seen it happen for years, and this is no different. Only this time she has someone in her life who isn't going to sit back and let it continue to happen. I have to do something. I can't sit here and let him think that what he did was okay. He has to know that there were other lives involved here. Not just me or Lorelai, but Rory, too.

Has Lorelai even told her? Suddenly my gung-ho plan isn't looking too solid. Rory is the only person I can call to get Christopher's address, and she's no fool. She'll want to know why, and I can't be the person who tells her about what went on between her parents last night. I back burner the thought of confronting Christopher, for now, but sooner or later it has to happen. _Get back to work, Danes. _The voice wins again.

* * *

**A/N:** I went back and forth with how I wanted Luke to react. In season 7 they did a terrible job at it (my opinion of course). He was so passive aggressive in the street and then in the grocery store it was like he didn't care at all. I really wanted to see him fight for her and for them to hear one another out. He's not okay with the situation by any means, but he also loves this woman too much to throw it all away. I hope that makes sense.


	5. Chapter 5-Lorelai

It's been two days since Luke left the house, and I feel as miserable as ever. We haven't spoken; the phone calls he mentioned are non-existent so far. What happened was a lot for any person to digest, and I get that, but I also hate not knowing where his head is at. _I thought this break was for you to clear your head, not obsess over your ex-fiancé._ I hate when the voice is right. Although, obsess is not the word I would use. Luke and I are connected in a way, and I know him better than anyone. I know he still has questions as do I.

If we stay together, will things change as far as April is concerned? Will he ever want me to help out and be a part of his new life as a father? Will he hold my mistake with Christopher over my head forever? Will he ever be able to trust me again?

On top of all that, I still haven't told Rory about what happened. Of course, Christopher has left messages wanting to discuss the situation, and I know it's only a matter of time before Rory catches wind, and that would kill me if she ends up finding out from someone other than me. I peel myself off of the armchair next to my bedroom window and grab the cordless phone sitting on my nightstand. Sitting back down on the chair, I dial her number quickly before I lose my nerve.

"Hey, I'm pulling in the driveway as we speak, so I'll see you inside," says Rory so quickly it takes me a second to comprehend what was said.

The line goes dead, and I peak outside the window to see her light blue Prius pull in and park behind my Jeep. Tossing the phone on the chair, I quickly stand and check my appearance in the bathroom mirror. My hair is a curly mess, so I pull it up into a messy bun before splashing some cold water on my face. I haven't left the house all weekend and I definitely reflect that at the moment. The front door closes, and I bound down the stairs forcing a smile when Rory greets me. We hug briefly before plopping down on the couch.

"What brings you to the Hollow? I thought you and Paris were doing that whole bonding thing since Logan is in London and Doyle went to that writer's retreat for the summer?"

"I can only take so much bonding with Paris besides I haven't seen you since Friday, so I kind of wanted to check in."

Her sweet, caring face is my undoing, and I can't help but cry. I'm an emotional wreck, and there's no point in trying to hide it from my best friend. "I have to tell you something, and you're going to hate me for it."

"Mom," says Rory as she soothingly rubs my arm. "I could never hate you. What happened?"

Using the sleeve of my shirt, I wipe my eyes. "Luke and I are taking a break."

"What?" she breathes, reminding me of Luke's reaction two days ago. "Because of the whole April thing?"

I sniffle. "Yes and no. We've both become such different people over the last few months that I felt like we needed some time apart. This was after I…" I squeeze my eyes shut hoping I can convey what I need to say telepathically. When I open them again, I say, "I slept with your dad."

Rory freezes and gapes at me. I know what she's thinking before she even asks, "Is that where you were Saturday morning when we tried calling?"

We? Great, now she and Luke are a unified front? I nod and swallow hard. "You have to know that it was a mistake, a huge mistake, and I didn't purposely seek him out for that."

"But things were good between you and Dad, and he was coming around more. What happens now? Are you going to be seeing each other? Does Luke know?"

Placing my hand on hers, I give it a squeeze. "Your dad and I are _not _getting together. I don't know what'll happen between us going forward, but this shouldn't change _your_ relationship with him, Rory. And yes, Luke does know and he's upset, obviously, but we're not completely giving up on each other. I know _I'm_ not, but I haven't heard from him since Saturday, so I don't know how he's feeling now that he's had a little time to process everything."

Rory nods, processing the information. "Luke said you two had a fight?"

After sitting alone with my thoughts the last couple of days, I can now see how absurd I was in asking Luke to elope with me. It was honestly a last ditch effort to see how much he cared for me and our relationship, as crazy as the request might have been. Knowing what I know now, he still cared even though he didn't say yes. In avoiding conflict to keep the peace, I unknowingly started a war inside myself. Patience has never been one of my strong suits nor has being a person who gives up control, and our relationship had gotten to the point where I lost both of those things. "We did. I gave him an ultimatum: elope with me or it's over. He didn't want to, so I thought we were over."

"That's why you went to Dad," says Rory, knowingly.

I exhale sharply and try to defend myself. "Trust me he was, like, third on my list. And I needed a friend that night, not…" I pause before asking, "How would you have felt if Luke and I got married without you being there?"

Rory is quiet for a while, and I know she's thinking of a way to form her response so that I won't be offended. Finally, she says, "I'd be upset, Mom. I love you _and_ Luke, and I would have hated missing out on what's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Are you mad?"

I smile a true but teary-eyed smile. "Of course I'm not mad. I'm glad now that we didn't go through with it."

We hug briefly before Rory pulls back and looks at me quizzically. "How exactly does a break work? Are you seeing other people to make sure that _this_ is the relationship you two want to be in?"

My smile fades at the thought of Luke dating. We didn't exactly set any terms to our break, just that we needed time to clear our heads and figure some things out. That couldn't possibly include dating other people, could it? I know that's not what I want, but if Luke was angry at me, maybe he'd want to even the score. _You know that Luke is not an even-the-score kind of guy_. Deep down, I do know this. I also know that he feels betrayed by me right now. To him, we were not broken up at the time, and what I did most likely feels like cheating. There's nothing I can do to change how he feels about that.

"That was a stupid question," says Rory, interrupting my thoughts. "I can't picture Luke ever dating anyone but you."

As much as I hope that's true, I don't know for sure. "I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm hungry, are you hungry?"

Rory says yes, and even though I really want a cheeseburger from Luke's, we decide on Al's for Chinese food. Since I haven't left my house all weekend, I'm afraid of what rumors are probably flying around regarding me and Luke and the very public scene I caused in front of the diner. To avoid confrontation until I'm ready to deal with everything, Rory offers to pick up the food as I peruse our collection of DVD's. I settle on _The Breakfast Club_: funny, classic, and doesn't remind me of Luke at all.

After Rory returns with the food (and a surprise pie from Luke's), I can't help but pepper her with questions to see if _she_ was peppered with questions. She assures me that the few people she ran into were only concerned about me, so she told them I had been feeling under the weather. How I wish that was the truth.

"You ever feel bad that Brian didn't get paired off with anyone at the end?" asks Rory as we pass the pie plate back and forth, taking bites.

"Nah, he got acceptance from his peers; that's what mattered to him. Although, I did secretly hope when I first saw it that he would end up with Claire because they were so cute together in _Sixteen Candles_."

"True, but that's two different movies and completely different characters."

"Not really. He plays the nerd in both films, so it's not all that different. Besides, I like the idea of the underdog getting the person of their dreams sometimes. I guess that _does _happen with the other two couples, but still." I'm quiet for a moment, dying to ask the first question that came to mind when Rory came home with the pie from Luke's. "So," I say, dragging out the word.

Rory passes me the plate as she quickly chews and swallows. "So?"

"When you went to Luke's…?"

She smiles knowingly. "He wasn't there. I would have told you if I talked to him."

"I know, but I wasn't sure if you knew that it was okay to talk to him or to tell me that you talked to him." Setting the pie down on my lap, I pick at the stray blueberries scattered around the plate.

"Why don't you call him, Mom? Clearly you miss him, and I'm sure he misses you, too."

I nod, but I feel so unsure. Part of me wishes that none of this ever happened, but the other part of me knows that it needed to or else I'd be living an unhappy, unauthentic life. _How is that any different than the life you have now?_ Trust me, it's different.

I put away the leftover Chinese food and pie, thankful to have something to eat for the next few days in case I'm still not ready to leave the house, and Rory decides to stay the night to keep me company. I'm grateful, of course, but I also feel a little guilty when our roles somehow get reversed and _she's_ the one taking care of _me. _

Rory reassures me. "I don't mind, Mom, now go take a long, hot bath, and I'll even do a load of laundry for you."

How did I get so lucky? I have this amazing kid who cares about me so much. Over the last few months, I lost sight of that as well. With all my energy focused on the wedding and how unhappy I was, I let everything that was supposed to be important to me get back-burnered. This perspective thing is really starting to work, but it is also making me feel even more guilty.

The long, hot bath is just what I needed. I feel relaxed and clear-headed for the first time in weeks. After drying off and dressing for bed, I wander downstairs to let Rory know the bathroom is all hers if she needs it. That's when I spot it; a small pile of Luke's laundry folded nicely on the couch. I know without smelling them that his shirts will smell like him: Old Spice body wash and fried food. Against my better judgement, I pick up one of his plaid shirts and inhale deeply. I was right. That smell is so comforting, so familiar, so Luke. It's then that I decide that I really need to talk to him, to hear his voice, to know that he's still not giving up on us.

After Rory goes upstairs to shower, I pace in front of the fireplace nervously. Why do I feel this nervous? It's not like this is a person I just met, it's Luke. _My _Luke. Turning on the cordless phone, I quickly dial his apartment and wait for the call to connect.

"Hello?" asks a breathless voice and because it's a woman I can do nothing but quickly hang up the phone. I stare down at it as if it might ring and it turns out that this was all a big misunderstanding, but nothing happens. Silently, I place the phone back on its cradle and head to bed.


	6. Chapter 6-Luke

I'm completely exhausted. Anger, confusion, and hurt are not a good combination as it turns out; therefore, sleep has been pretty much non-existent the last couple of days. I've been pretty much avoiding any and everyone as best as I can. Talk of the argument between Lorelai and me has already made the rounds, and I don't feel like answering any questions. Not that I have to, of course, but the more I avoid it the more people want to know why. And what would I even say? We agreed to take a break, but for how long? My head is no clearer than it was two days ago, so I'm guessing I have a ways to go.

I'm still peeved about Christopher, but not bad enough to seek him out and give him a piece of my mind. For now, that's Lorelai's business, and how she wants to deal with it is up to her. I didn't expect to cut her off as well, but I need more time than I thought I did. The last thing I want is to blow up on her and make things worse. _She slept with another man, can it get any worse?_ I press my forehead against the cool tiles of my shower wall in an effort to ignore the voice.

The hot water feels good, but it's only temporary. I can only hope like hell that this dreadful feeling goes away and life can get back to normal. As normal as it can, I suppose. A knock on the bathroom door brings me out of my thoughts. "Yeah?" I shout.

"Someone called, but they hung up."

"Why are you answering my phone?" I ask, annoyed that my one and only moment of peace has been interrupted. After quickly drying off, I pull on my sweats and a t-shirt and whip open the door.

"It was a reflex, big brother. Don't be so crabby," says Liz as she stands there holding out my cordless phone. "You know, you should probably invest in a caller I.D. for times like this."

"That's why I have an answering machine." I brush past her and return the phone to its cradle. "How did you get in here anyway?"

"You really think I don't know about the key hidden on top the door frame outside? Why do you think Daddy started hiding it up there? I was always losing mine, remember?"

"Okay then _why_ are you in here?" I ask as I walk over to the fridge and pull out a pitcher of cold, filtered water.

"I wanted to check on you. There's been talk and—"

"You wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth," I say before pouring myself a glass of water. I offer one to Liz, but she declines.

"You can talk to me, Luke. I may not give the best advice, but I'm here if you need someone to listen." Liz pulls out a chair at the kitchen table and gestures for me to sit down with her.

Remembering how good it felt to unload on her seven months ago about April, I feel I have no choice but to take the bait. I gulp down the water and refill the glass, thinking carefully about how much information to give to Liz. Not that I don't trust her, it's just such a tricky situation.

"Lorelai and I are taking a break," I say, finally.

Liz remains stone-faced as if this a poker game she's determined to win. Finally, she says, "I knew this would happen. You not telling her about April was bound to bite you in the ass, Luke."

Bristling slightly, I say, "That's not what happened." Liz gives me a look that says "Yeah, right", so I continue, "Okay, maybe that added to the problem, but it's more than that. She says she's been miserable for months, but she never told me. I mean, who does that? _Why_ do that?"

Liz shrugs. "She was the center of your world, and then April comes along, and now she's in second. I'm sure it didn't feel good. You can't keep everyone in their own special box, Luke. I know you have to deal with things one problem at a time, but I think she would have supported you if you would have let her in."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I thought she understood why I needed things to be separate considering what she went through with Rory. That's my fault for assuming, I know, but she could have spoken up, and she didn't."

Lorelai's words to me a few days ago were starting to reverberate in my mind. She told me she lost herself over the last few months, and I'm finally understanding how. Pain will make a person do crazy things, I knew this first hand. She shut down and kept quiet, and that was completely un-Lorelai of her.

"So what exactly is this break supposed to accomplish?" asks Liz.

I blow out my cheeks. "Help us clear our heads and cool off. We had a huge fight out in front of the diner Friday night, which I'm sure you've heard about." Liz nods, so I continue, "She assumed we were done and went…" I can't even finish the sentence in fear that my anger over the situation will return. Not to mention, I don't want the whole town to know what Lorelai did.

Liz places her hand on top of mine. "You don't have to tell me. I do hope you two can work it out, though. She's a great girl."

I can't help but smile. "Yes, she is."

After Liz leaves, I sit at the table for a while thinking about our conversation. It always amazes me how good I feel when I decide to open up. Carrying around problem after problem can really weigh a person down. With that thought, I think of Lorelai and everything she hid from me and how weighted down she must have felt. No wonder she was a blubbering mess that night. It was everything she had been wanting to tell me for months, and it poured right out of her. I miss her so much, more than I hoped I would, to be honest. She's been a part of my life for so long now it's hard to imagine her not in it for long periods of time.

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly as I stand and make my way over to the desk on the other side of the room. After dialing the number, I bring the phone to my ear and wait for someone to answer.

"Hello?"

"Rory? It's, uh, Luke."

She hesitates. "Hey. I went to the diner tonight for pie, but you weren't there."

"Yeah, it's been a rough couple of days." There's an awkward silence that passes. "Is she there?" Stupid question, of course she's there. It's almost ten o'clock on a Monday night.

She hesitates again. "She is, but she went to bed already. I can tell her in the morning that you called."

Disappointment fills me, and I'm actually surprised by the feeling so much that I say, "Look, Rory, I need to talk to her tonight. Can you please wake her up? It's important."

"Okay, hold on." No hesitation this time.

The line is quiet for what feels like forever before I hear her soft, sleepy voice say, "Hey."

I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding and say, "Hey, sorry to wake you up."

"No, it's fine. Is everything okay?" I can hear the sounds of blankets shuffling, and I assume she must be sitting up now.

"Everything's…okay. It could be better I guess, but…I wanted to tell you that, uh, I miss you, and I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially tonight, and I'm starting to understand things a little bit better."

There's silence on the other end, and I suddenly start to think that I might have said something wrong. My heart twists at the sudden sound of her sniffling on the other end. "I called earlier tonight, and a woman answered, and I thought for sure you had somehow moved on."

"No, Lorelai, of course I haven't. That was Liz. She snuck in here while I was showering, so you must have called when she came in."

"Oh, God," she groans. "I feel so stupid now. I've never spoken to her on the phone, so I didn't recognize her voice."

"Don't feel stupid, I would have probably done the same thing. You know I tend to think the worst sometimes."

She chuckles softly, and it's like music to my ears. "So, why tonight? Did something happen?"

"Liz kind of helped me see things from a different perspective, an unbiased point of view I guess."

"Not very unbiased considering she's your sister," says Lorelai.

"She may be my sister, but she tends to be more of a power-to-the-woman type." I hear her chuckle again, and I can't help but smile. "I'm sorry, Lorelai."

"For what?" she asks softly.

"Everything. Not seeing the signs that you were hurting and shutting you out. It wasn't intentional, I promise you, but it still happened, and I'm sorry."

I swear for a moment I can actually hear her smile. "Thank you, and I'm sorry, too. I don't know what took over me or why I shut down, I still need to figure that part out. We need to find a balance, Luke. Sometimes we have so much going on that both of our worlds tend to tip from side to side. I think once we figure that part out, we'll be okay again."

Her words make me think of April and then of Anna's words about consistency. I'm as consistent as they come, so I know that won't be a problem. It's the issue over us being married that I need to make Anna understand. As much as I love Lorelai, I know we're not ready for marriage right now, but that shouldn't stop her from getting to know my daughter. I hate that I have to tread lightly when it comes to this situation with Anna, but I can't risk losing April, too.

"We'll find that balance, Lorelai, especially now that we know what's at stake."

She sighs, and I can't tell if it's out of frustration or relief. "I hope you're right."

The next morning I wake, rested and ready for the day. Sleep came so easily to me last night after talking things out with Lorelai. We still have a lot more to discuss, but a little definitely went a long way. Since I've been working mostly the early morning shifts, Caesar had offered to open the diner this morning. Being the consistent creature of habit that I am, I'm still up at five. I lie there for a moment, enjoying the quiet, until I hear a light rap on the door. I pull on my sweats but I can't seem to find my t-shirt in time for another knock to ring out inside my quiet apartment. I fling open the door half-expecting to see Liz, but instead, it's Lorelai.

"Hi," she says, breathlessly.

"Hi," I say in return as we stand there awkwardly. "Do you want to—"

She steps forward and encircles my neck with her arms, hugging me so fiercely it takes my breath away. I kick the door closed with my foot as we stand there hugging, not willing to let the other one go. She pulls back silently, and it's then I realize she's wearing tiny cotton shorts and a t-shirt underneath her pink overcoat. As if suddenly realizing where she is, Lorelai says, "I'm so sorry for dropping in on you. I just…"

She looks so upset that I can't help but pull her back in. "Hey, it's fine. I was already up, you know me." I rub up and down her back for a moment. "You want some coffee? I can make you something to eat."

"Coffee would be great, thanks." I watch as she walks over to the table and removes her coat, hanging it on the back of the chair.

With her sitting there in her pajamas and me in mine (minus my shirt), it feels like old times. A time before drama seeped in and flipped our worlds upside down. I miss that time so much. Things were simpler. "So, what has you up at the crack of dawn?"

She smiles, almost shyly, and I can't help but smile back. "I think I need to get away, Luke. Away from Stars Hollow."


	7. Chapter 7-Lorelai

**A/N:** A quick thanks to everyone following along and leaving reviews so far. We're at the halfway point of this story! 

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Fragile. That's the word I would use to describe my current state of mind. I worry that any little thing might set me off, so I'm now taking things one day at a time. For the most part, I feel good. Luke and I talk almost daily on the phone which has been a huge relief. Four days ago I told him about my sudden urge to want to leave Stars Hollow for a little while; a weekend away. I need to remove myself from the prying eyes and constant questions about my personal life. On some level, I know it's always been like this, but a part of me feels like it has intensified somewhat. Or maybe it's me. I'm used to controlling what people know about me, and now it's basically all out in the open. The thought makes me cringe.

It's now Friday morning, a week to the day since my emotional breakdown, and I'm finally heading back into work. I have been vague about my reason for not showing up in a week, but I feel that Sookie should at least know the truth. I still have not set foot in the diner which has been harder than I thought it would be, so by the time I arrive at the inn, I'm both starved and under-caffeinated.

Sookie greets me with a massive hug and a quick once over to make sure I am okay. "I know it's only been a week, but the place just isn't the same without you here."

I smile gratefully. "Thanks, Sook. It's definitely nice to be missed. How was high tea last weekend with the group of Mrs. Van Uppity's?"

She fills me in as I fill up on coffee and scones, and it's then I realize how much I have missed the simple pleasures of visiting with Sookie in the kitchen and talking about the inn. I think back to all of our conversations over the last few months, and they almost all included my relationship highs and lows.

"Can you believe yesterday made two years since we had the test run? We've been in business for two years," says Sookie in awe.

I laugh nervously because obviously I forgot. "Wow! It seems longer sometimes." I pause, lost in thought. Everything in my life seemed to fall into place after we opened the Dragonfly. Not without its ups and downs, but still. There's something exhilarating about setting a goal—a goal some would see as absolutely unachievable—and making it happen. I've always loved proving people wrong especially because of the whole teen mom stigma I carried around for years. Maybe that notion is what caused me to fixate on making the wedding happen. Who was I trying to prove wrong? Myself? My mother? Naysayers in town? _Typical Lorelai, getting married for all the wrong reasons._ "So, I'm sure you've heard the rumors by now."

Sookie looks up slowly, and I know I have my answer. "There's been talk. Not much, at least not around me, but from what I have heard, it's not too bad."

Maybe I've been over-exaggerating for nothing. "What did you hear?"

I listen as she describes in almost perfect detail the argument that took place outside the diner. Everything I shouted at Luke was not word for word, but it didn't exactly paint a pretty picture. By the time she finishes, I feel completely embarrassed.

"Honey, people have fights. You and Luke are human, not to mention with everything you've been holding back, a blowup was bound to happen. It's healthy for a relationship to get it all out, and move forward—"

"I slept with Christopher that night," I confess quietly, suddenly aware that we're not completely alone in the kitchen.

"You slept…" Sookie turns around and shouts at the staff to leave and then mutters a quick apology at the brashness of her tone. She faces me and asks, "How did that happen?"

I take a deep breath and fill Sookie in on my thought process that night: Luke and I were over, I had no one in town to talk to, and I sought Chris out as a friend.

"Wow," Sookie breathes. "Tequila and Christopher are a deadly combination. Didn't you learn anything from Lane's wedding night?"

"Nothing happened with us at Lane's wedding." In saying those words, I suddenly remember waking up in my bedroom and Christopher sleeping on the chair next to the window. Was Sookie right? What would have happened had I not been completely out of it. I shake my head, refusing to give into those terrible thoughts.

Sookie smiles at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry, but you're not you when he's around."

Sighing, I say, "I haven't been _me_ in a while, Sook."

"I'm assuming you haven't told Luke. He seemed fine the last few times I ran into him."

"Of course I told Luke. There's no way I couldn't. He was at my house when I came home, and he wouldn't leave until I told him where I had been all night."

Sookie's eyes widen. "How did he take it?"

I shrug with one shoulder and look down at my lap, feeling ashamed all over again. "He was upset, _is_ upset, so we're taking some time apart."

"Like Ross and Rachel?"

I chuckle softly. "No, this one is mutual, and we're technically still together, but we're not engaged. Or hanging out. Or talking all that much." _Sounds like a fun relationship_, says the voice, mocking me. "It's complicated, but we both have things we need to work on before we can even think about being a married couple, and I don't know why I didn't see that."

"It's been a crazy year for the two of you." Sookie reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. "I'm sure you'll figure it all out. You two belong together."

Later on in my office as I'm trying desperately to focus on catching up, my thoughts keep circling back to Luke and all the things left unsaid. Our conversations over the last few days are definitely nothing to write home about. Basically just a quick check in at the end of the day and the occasional "I miss you". I haven't seen him since that morning in his apartment, and the withdrawals are hitting me. Not sexually, although I'd be lying if I denied that I haven't thought about it, but his physical presence is what I miss the most.

My cell phone starts to ring, jarring me from my thoughts, and I see that it says CHRISTOPHER on the display. I can't keep ignoring his phone calls even though it's easier to do so. Groaning, I hit the answer button and say, "Hello?"

"Geez, Lor, I was really starting to worry. How are things?"

"Fine, Chris, everything is peachy. What can I do for you?"

He hesitates as if he has no clue as to why he's been calling in the first place. "Can I come see you? I think we need to talk about what happened, I mean _really_ talk about it. I don't like how we left things."

I squeeze my eyes shut. The last thing I want right now is to see him. "Look, I have a lot of work to catch up on and—"

He cuts me off with a plea. "Please? I can come to you, you won't have to drive out here."

Thinking things couldn't possibly get any worse, I give in. Deep down I know we won't be able to move on from the incident if we don't truly confront it, and I want nothing more than to move on. We agree to meet here at the inn, and an hour later Christopher walks through the front door as I'm straightening some magazines in the lobby. It feels so awkward to see him, but at the same time, I'm relieved that I feel no attraction to him whatsoever.

"Hi," I say, giving him a tight smile. "We can talk in my office—it's more private than out here."

"I was hoping we could have lunch, you know, to make up for the one we technically didn't get to have."

I exhale sharply. "This is not a lunch date, Chris. I told you I have work to do, so if you wanna talk…"

He hold his hands up in surrender. "Okay, your office works for me."

After we sit down, silence mixed with tension fills the room. He called this meeting, so to speak, so he needs to be the one to speak first. Finally, he says, "G.G. has been asking about you."

Taken aback, I ask why.

"I guess she's not used to seeing women in my apartment except for the nanny, so she assumed you'd be coming around. I told her you were sick that night, so you couldn't drive home, and you decided to spend the night. How much of that she actually understands I'm not sure."

Great. What am I supposed to do with that, tack it onto my list of things to feel guilty about? This little girl has no mother in her life because somehow she ended up with two incredibly selfish parents, but that in no way is my fault. "I'm sorry she saw me there, that shouldn't have happened. I don't want her to be confused by this, believe me."

"She's not the only one." He folds his hands in his lap and leans forward slightly. "You told me that the relationship was over, and I hate to admit it, but I was so happy to hear you say that. It wasn't easy for me watching you settle down with someone else, Lor. I always thought it would be us."

I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me. This whole time I thought Chris was making good on his word in regards to Rory: helping to pay for school and spending more time with her. All along he was waiting for me. The thought makes my stomach churn. This is the biggest problem I have with Christopher—his inability to just be my friend. I enjoy his company. He's a person I've known since we were kids. Friendship is all I wanted, but he always makes it impossible with his never-ending need to want to be with me.

Sighing, I sit back in my chair and cross my arms over my chest. "There will never be an us, Chris. We'll always be connected because of Rory, but I can't have you in my life as anything but my child's father. Too many people have gotten hurt by what happened, and I feel terrible about that." I pause and take a breath. "My whole heart belongs to Luke, and I don't know what's going to happen with us now, but you and me…" I shake my head slowly.

"That's not fair," says Christopher, quietly.

"_None_ of this is fair, but you deal with it, and move on. You have two daughters who should be the center of your world, Chris, not me. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them. _They_ deserve it."

Christopher looks down and nods as he processes my words. He looks up and gestures with his head toward me. "I guess the engagement is still off."

There's no trace of bitterness in his voice, and I feel myself soften a little bit. Rubbing my ring finger with my thumb, I look down at my bare left hand. There's a tan line where my beautiful ring once sat, and my chest tightens at the memory of Luke holding it out to me the morning of my walk of shame. "Uh, yeah, it is. We're taking some time apart, trying to work through this mess."

There's a long stretch of silence before Christopher sighs. "Well, as the father of your child, I want to say that I _do_ want you to be happy, Lor. I don't want to get in the way of that, so I'll add this whole thing to my very long list of things I should have thought through first."

"Good." Relief flows through me—this was easier than I thought it would be. As we stand, there's a knock at the door, and Chris steps aside so that I can see who it is.

"Sorry to interrupt, there's a delivery for you out here," says Rob, gesturing behind him with his thumb.

I step out of my office, and standing in the lobby is Luke, holding a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers. The scene is very reminiscent of two years earlier, and my heart melts for him all over again. We share a smile, but his fades before mine as his eyes travel to the man now standing behind me.


	8. Chapter 8-Luke

I can't seem to get caught up these days. With all the drama from last week, I feel like I've completely abandoned my responsibilities here at the diner. My life has always been one of routine and control, but that seemed to fly out the window the minute April came in and pulled out a strand of my hair. Who am I kidding, getting involved with Lorelai made me lose control long before April's arrival, but in a different way. A _good_ way.

I have not seen her since that morning she came to my apartment and told me she needed to get out of here. A part of me understood because I, of all people, know what it's like to need to disappear for a while and clear my head. That's not Lorelai though, and it really hit me in that moment just how much damage has been done. Not only to our relationship, but to her. Our almost daily phone calls allow us to stay connected, and even though I still feel the sting of her betrayal, I'm thankful for that. I could never cut her completely out of my life; she's been a part of it for too long now.

Because of everything that happened last Friday, I forgot to place my supply order. Since we've hit that lull between breakfast and lunch, I tell Caesar I'll be upstairs so that I can call my order in before it's too late. I lay down my supply ledger and account register on the table and start listing everything I need. An hour later the order is placed, and I'm about caught up when the phone rings. It's Caesar with a slight hint of panic in his voice telling me Miss Patty's senior citizen's yoga class let out early, and they all decided to come to the diner. I tell him I'll be there in a minute and pick up my paperwork before heading downstairs.

The diner is packed, but in no time, I get Caesar caught up, and the chaos starts to level out. As I'm wiping down the few empty tables available, I can't help but overhear Patty and Babette whispering loudly at the corner table next to the front door.

"Still no sign of her?" asks Patty.

"Not in the diner, but I did see her leaving her house this morning, dressed for work," answers Babette in a husky whisper. "I'm surprised it wasn't yesterday with it being the anniversary of the opening and all."

I look down and realize I've abandoned my charade of wiping the table. I continue to eavesdrop.

"What's it been, two years? I remember it like it was yesterday. Those robes! Gosh, that was a good weekend," says Patty in a sort of dreamy voice, and I'm all of a sudden taken back to that day.

Despite the hoops we jumped through to get there, it was one of the best nights of my life. I can still remember packing my bag that morning, carefully choosing something nice but not too nice to wear to dinner. My nervousness was evident in the fact that I couldn't stop watching the clock all morning, and when it was finally time to head to the inn, I even stopped at the flower mart next to Doose's. Flowers were never something I gave a second glance to, but because I knew that that was a big day for Lorelai, I thought they would be appropriate. As it turned out, she was flustered by the gesture, and I fell a little bit harder for her.

As the lunch rush slowed down, I was beginning to realize how much I wanted to see Lorelai. We both agreed that we needed space, but she came to me on Monday because she needed to and now I'm feeling the same way. I help get the kitchen cleaned up and tell Caesar to call my cell if he needs me. Before climbing in my truck parked on the corner by Doose's, I spot the flower mart's setup on the sidewalk. I figure they brought a smile to her face before, why not go for two?

As I pull up at the inn, I'm all of a sudden hit with a feeling of self-consciousness. I didn't exactly think this through, and I have nothing to say, really. The simple fact is that I miss her and want to see her smile. I walk through the front door and do a quick check of my surroundings. She's definitely not within eyesight, so I ask Rob if he knows where I can find her. He tells me she's in her office, and if I give him a minute, he'll tell her she has a delivery.

I step back as a couple descends the stairs and heads to the front desk to check out. Looking around, I play the scene that unfolded that night in my head. Our slight argument over her potentially still being with Jason, my half-ass storming out, and her telling me to calm down. And the best part: me telling her to stand still, so I could end the argument with actions instead of words. I can't help but smirk as I think about that kiss, and the smirk turns into a smile when she finally exits her office. She smiles back, and in that moment, I knew I made the right choice.

That's when I see him. Christopher is standing right behind Lorelai, and all I can do is lock my gaze on his. He breaks away from my penetrating stare first and looks down at the floor. He clears his throat and says, "I should probably go."

Lorelai turns to him and nods. "Yeah, you should."

I wait for him to leave before I speak. "I, uh, I guess I should have called first. I feel like an idiot."

"No, Luke, you never have to call first. Come in my office so that we can talk."

Shaking my head, I say, "I don't think I can. That was too much for me. Seeing the two of you together…"

She looks around nervously, but no one is here. Rob smelled drama the minute he told Lorelai I was waiting and high-tailed it somewhere else. "Luke, please. It's not at all what you think. He came here so that we could address what happened and try to move on, that's it. You won't see him or even hear about him, ever. I told him to stay away from now on."

I shift from one foot to the other as I look down at the flowers I'm still clutching in my hand. Desperately holding on to the happy memory from earlier, I hand the flowers over to her. "These are for the anniversary of the opening. Sorry I didn't remember yesterday, but…"

She smiles gratefully and takes the proffered bouquet. "Don't feel bad, I didn't remember either. Too much going on, I guess." After looking at them a little more carefully, she says, "They're beautiful, thank you."

"You're welcome." I put my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, unsure of what else to say.

I'm mad, _really_ mad, but I don't want to take it out on her. Not here. _This was all her doing, who else would you take it out on?_ For starters, the jerk who drives the silver Volvo out front. I can't help but feel like I walked in on them even though it's clear nothing was going on. How long will it take for me to trust her again?

"I'm gonna go put these in some water," she says, interrupting my thoughts. "I'll be right back."

I watch her walk down the hallway next to the stairs before disappearing behind the kitchen door. Turning to look out the front door, I see that the Volvo is still there, and before I can change my mind, I head outside.

Christopher's sitting in the car on his cell phone and doesn't notice me standing there until he hangs up the phone. I knock on his window, and he rolls it down. "We need to talk," I say and step aside so that he can exit his car.

He hesitates, of course, but finally climbs out. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened, but I think this is between you and Lorelai now."

I lift my chin and say, "That's where you're wrong. See, it _should _have been between me and Lorelai, but you added yourself into the mix long before she ended up in your bed."

He narrow his eyes at me. "I don't know what you're talking about. I've only seen her a couple of times over the last six months and half the time it was because of Rory."

Looking down at the ground, I shake my head. Lorelai may fall for his lies and charms, but I sure as hell won't. "You offering up money to pay for Yale? It looks good on paper, I'll give you that, but it should have stopped there. I'll bet you knew we were having problems, and you had to try and show Lorelai you were a better man. A man that would be there for her. A man she could depend on. Tell me I'm wrong."

He chews the inside of his cheek as he considers my words. "She may have made it sound like things were a little rocky, yes, but you have to understand that I've loved her since the day we met. Seeing her settle down with someone else after all this time killed me, okay? And I'm sorry if I should have been the bigger person that night and turned her away, but I couldn't."

Something inside me snaps and I grab him by the front of his shirt and slam him against the side of his car. His eyes are wide with fear as he stares back at me, unblinking. Visions of the night I watched a strange man walk Nicole into the apartment we were sharing come rushing back. My reaction and kicking his car and calling Lorelai to bail me out of jail, all because I couldn't control my anger. I want nothing more than to smash Christopher's face into the gravel beneath our feet, but something in me refuses to give in.

Suddenly overcome with emotion, I push off of him and step back. He stumbles to the side and the relief he feels is evident on his face. I bend forward, hands on knees, and out of nowhere tears start escaping. Crying is not exactly an emotion I'm used to, so it catches me off guard. Holding back my feelings all week is most likely the cause, and I now realize how bad Lorelai and I need to discuss our situation—no more walking on eggshells.

Finally, after catching his breath, Christopher says, "Like I told Lorelai, I just want her to be happy. I won't stand in the way of that. She wants you, she doesn't want me."

I stand up straight and adjust my hat. "How can I believe that now, after everything that happened?"

Christopher holds up his palms. "I'm not a bad guy, I just fell for the wrong girl. Clearly there's something here that I'll never be able to compete with, and I'm done trying. Lorelai told me to focus on my girls, so that's what I need to do."

"It'll take some time before I'm able to believe that. Feelings like that don't just go away."

"Well, I've gotten pretty damn good at swallowing them for twenty-one years." Christopher reaches for his driver's side handle and opens the door.

I quickly grab the door, forcing him to look over at me. "Take care of that little girl. We don't all get second chances." He stares back at me for a moment before nodding.

I watch him pull away, dust from the gravel kicking up, and turn to head back inside the inn. The lobby is empty, so I walk over to Lorelai's office door and knock on it gently.

Lorelai calls out for me to come in, and when I open the door, I can immediately tell she has been crying. She looks over at me, clearly surprised to see that I'm still here, and starts to cry again. I walk around her desk and pull her up, hugging her to my chest as I rub up and down her back trying my best to soothe her. It suddenly dawns on me that she may have seen my confrontation with Christopher and started freaking out.

"I thought you left," she says, her voice raw with emotion.

"I was out front, I had to deal with something. Are you okay?"

She pulls back from our embrace and looks up at me. "We really need to talk, Luke."

I nod. "Yeah, we really do."


	9. Chapter 9-Lorelai

The diner is way too public, and my house feels like such a sore spot with the remodel and the life we should be living, so we decide on meeting in the honeymoon suite behind the inn. It sounds crazy, I know, but we've actually never spent time in there. We've had the occasional quickie in one of the rooms inside the Dragonfly over the last two years, but we never made it out here. It is secluded and on somewhat neutral ground, the perfect setting for us to finally say what we need to say to each other.

In the week since our blowup, Luke and I have talked about why we did what we did and even went as far as to apologize for it. We haven't, however, discussed what we need to do to secure our future as a couple. I want more than anything to be able to move past this, but I can't if things end up going back to how they were.

After Luke's freakout over seeing Christopher in my office (and my freakout that followed), he decided to head back to the diner but promised to meet me back here at six. I unlock the door at five till and sit patiently on the bed, collecting my thoughts and preparing myself for what needs to be said. A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door, and Luke opens it slowly. Suddenly I realize that me sitting on the bed may seem too intimate, so I quickly stand and opt for the oversized armchair in the corner of the room. Luke sits across from me on the love seat and stares down at his hands, playing with them nervously.

"How was the rest of your day?" I ask, breaking the silence.

He nods slowly, still looking down. "Fine. Taylor came in wanting everyone to sign up early for the stupid Crazy Festival, but other than that, it was fine."

I can't help but grin at Luke's everlasting disdain for the town festivals. "You mean the Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Festival? That's not for a few months."

Luke looks up at me. "You know Taylor." He sighs before continuing, "About earlier…"

"Can I go first?" Luke nods so I go on. "I'm sorry, Luke, that you had to see Christopher. Believe me, that was the last thing that I thought would happen, and I wasn't going to keep it from you, I swear. It's going to be hard for you to trust me when it comes to him, I know that, but you have to know that I was telling the truth when I said that I told him to stay away."

"He told me you said that," says Luke and I'm taken aback. I ask when and he tells me about their confrontation in front of the inn. My heart pounds with fear that he's going to tell me he hurt Chris in some way and that charges would be pressed on Luke for assault. I breathe a little easier when he finishes the story sans any mention of a real physical confrontation.

Absorbing his words, I can't help but feel a little resentment. I keep my voice calm as I ask, "How was it okay for you to confront Christoper but not for me to confront Anna?"

He narrows his eyes slightly. "That's completely different, Lorelai."

"Is it? I went to Anna because I was upset about what happened and you went to Christopher because you were upset. It's not all that different, Luke."

"Christopher doesn't have full custody of your kid. If the conversation you had with Anna went a different way, who knows if I would have seen April again. There's a lot more consequences to _your_ actions."

Looking up at the ceiling, I force myself to blink back the tears that are threatening to escape. "I was only trying to help things, okay? You can't honestly think that I would have caused a scene and jeopardized your arrangement. That's not what our conversation was about."

He nods slowly. "I know it's not. I called Anna last week, and she told me what happened."

I swallow hard. It never occurred to me that Luke would go around me and talk to Anna. Obviously it makes sense, but Luke always seems so afraid of ruffling feathers when it comes to Anna. "Did you two talk about what happened…with us?"

"No, I didn't think she needed to know yet."

I nod as I consider my next move. "Can I ask you something?" Luke says yes, so I ask,"Have her feelings changed about us not being married?"

His jaw clenches and he averts his eyes. The answer is no. "She's worried about April. Part of me understands that, but the other part is so damn frustrated by it. Who is she to call all the shots? Where was she when April was riding all over Connecticut collecting DNA samples from potential fathers?"

Rant mode is coming, and I quickly try to defuse the situation. "I had similar rules when it came to Rory, so I understand her way of thinking, but calling all the shots—especially after keeping April from you all those years—isn't fair. You have rights, Luke. This isn't how it has to be."

"I know, and I didn't think it would get to that point. She told me to keep being consistent, and that's what I'm gonna do, but…" He looks up at me. "I don't want to keep April from you anymore. If we're really doing this, I want you to know her, too."

Hearing those words fills me with so much relief. It's all I wanted this whole time: to be let in. Even if Anna doesn't go along with it, Luke and I are at least on the same page with this topic.

"Can I ask _you _a question?" asks Luke. I say yes, and he asks, "Why didn't you tell me how all of this April stuff made you feel?"

Tucking my feet underneath me, I consider his question for a moment. "I think at first I was in shock over it all. You of all people had a kid out there, and not only that, you kept it from me. You never lied to me before except for the whole Twickham house thing, and I think something inside me shifted. All of a sudden, swallowing my feelings and keeping the peace seemed easier."

"I asked you at the beginning if you got that we needed some alone time, and you said yes. Why not tell me right then that it was bugging you?"

I start to pick at a loose thread on the arm of the chair. The one time he's referring to was also the one time I saw them together through the window of the soda shoppe. He was so agitated by the scene he was describing that I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was a part of it, too. "This was new territory, Luke. And pushing you didn't bode well for me in the past, so I left it alone thinking you'd eventually come around, but all it did was allow you to get into this rhythm like the creature of habit that you are."

Luke nods and sits back all the way on the couch. "Did I tell you Liz is pregnant?"

My head jerks up, and I stare at him incredulously. "No way. How far along?"

Luke shrugs. "Fairly recent, I think. She and T.J. got into it last week, and I went looking for him so that I could kick his ass." He shakes his head and exhales sharply. "I sat there in a bar spouting on and on about tuning into what your partner means as opposed to what they say and that sometimes they won't tell you what they're feeling. Not for one moment did I think I needed to apply that logic to my own relationship. What does that say about me?"

"That you were distracted, Luke, and I wasn't saying anything, so there was nothing for you to try and decode." I pause briefly. "It scares me, though."

"What does?"

"The fact that you could be that distracted and not see that I was pulling away, that we're no longer in sync with each other, that you were content with living a separate life."

Luke sighs. "My entire world flipped upside down the minute April came into the diner. Sure, she could recommend a scientific dictionary to help me read the DNA report, but where are the books that tell you exactly how to deal with what I'm dealing with? And I know I should have gotten your help, I see that now, but you have to understand that sometimes I _need _to do things on my own, sink or swim. That's just how I am, and I knew with a little time to find my footing things would get back to normal, but then…"

"I kept pushing the wedding on you," I say, knowingly. Our trip to Martha's Vineyard comes to me, and the conversation we had. The perfect opportunity for me to speak up about everything arose, but I chose instead to focus once again on us not getting married. _Are you seeing the pattern?_ asks the voice.

This talking stuff is supposed to help things, but I feel even worse. We can't change what happened now; it's too late. Dwelling on the past won't allow us to move forward. Luke clears his throat, causing me to look over at him.

"You're not the only one who's scared, Lorelai. The feeling I got today when I saw you two, I didn't like it."

"I know, and I'm sure it'll take some time before you can trust me, but I would never do that to you, to _us." _

Luke shakes his head slowly. "It's not only about being faithful. How can I trust that you're being honest about how you feel or that you'll tell me when something bothers you?"

"Remember when I said we need to find that balance? That's part of it. Not living separate lives and merging our worlds is the only way to truly reconnect. We used to be so yin and yang, you and me. I think we got a little too comfortable, and we both felt like the work was done, but that's not true. We have to constantly work at this, Luke."

He nods in agreement. "Are you still planning on going away?"

After Luke left the inn earlier, I felt more than ever that I needed to be impulsive and make a quick plan. A weekend away would hopefully do the trick, and I could come back with a clearer head and somewhat of a fresh start. "Tomorrow morning I'm taking the train from Hartford to New York. Just for the weekend, though. A change of scenery, some good food, and gorgeous sights will do me some good."

Luke stares back at me, unblinking. His jaw clenches a few times before he asks, "Are you going alone?"

I nod. "I'm a big girl, Luke. I don't need a chaperone."

"I know that, I…never mind." He rubs his forehead with the tips of his fingers, and I can't tell if it's out of worry or frustration or something else entirely.

"Luke," I say, softly. He looks up at me. "Don't shut me out. I'm being upfront with you, isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?"

He closes his eyes briefly and sighs. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just that, I don't know, it's only been a week since all of this, and I'm miserable when you're away from me, and I'm miserable whenever we talk about what happened. I _hate_ feeling like this. I don't know what to do to start feeling normal again."

I hesitate for a moment before switching seats next to Luke. Facing him on the love seat, I reach for his hand and pull it into my lap. "I'm feeling the same exact way, and to be honest, I don't know if we'll ever feel normal again." After watching him briefly, I ask, "Do you still love me, Luke?"

"Yes," he answers without hesitation.

I smile. "Okay, and I love you, too. Not all hope is lost, right?"

Luke looks over at me, and the love I feel for him is reflected in his dark blue eyes. I feel my pulse quicken as our gazes stay locked, and before I even know what's happening, his lips are on mine, and I'm straddling his lap.


	10. Chapter 10-Luke

I am on sensory overload. Every brush of her lips or touch of her fingers on my bare skin sends a jolt of electricity to all the right places. I'm panting, and it's either from the exertion of carrying her naked body over to the bed, from need, or maybe even both. For the life of me I can not remember the last time we were intimate, especially like this. _It was only a week ago for her,_ says the voice. I push the thought aside as I kiss her deeply.

_Do you think she's comparing the two of you right now?_ Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to focus instead on the beautiful woman writhing underneath me, begging to be touched. I kiss her shoulder, and she turns her head towards me, moaning my name softly into my ear. _At least she said the right name._

With that thought, I roll off of her and onto my back. My arousal is completely gone, and I am humiliated. Covering my face with my hands, I apologize over and over.

Lorelai sits up and pulls my hands away from my face gently. "What happened? I thought…"

I sigh. "I thought so, too. Maybe it's too soon."

"Too soon?" It finally dawns on her and she exhales sharply. "Please tell me you were not thinking about what I think you were thinking about."

Without answering, I stare up at the ceiling wishing that none of this was happening. Why can't I move on from this? I love her, completely, yet there's something stopping me from jumping back in. The bed shifts, and I look over to see Lorelai climbing out, clutching the sheet to her bare body. I push myself into a seated position as I watch her collect her clothes that are strewn about the suite.

"Lorelai." She doesn't stop what she's doing, so I say it again, louder.

"What?!" she says sharply, and it's then I notice the tears in her eyes.

"Can I at least try to explain what I'm feeling?" I stand up, wearing only my boxer briefs and the look of guilt.

"You don't have to, I know what you're feeling. You feel disgusted by me, and I get it. I'm damaged goods now, right?" She pulls on her wrap dress and quickly ties it.

"Lorelai, you are _not_ damaged. Would you stop for a second and listen to me?" She stares at the floor with both hands on her hips, and I continue, "I'm _not _disgusted by you. How could I be? As much as I was on board with what was just happening, I think a part of me knew that it probably wasn't a good idea, for both of us. We're trying to rebuild things here, Lorelai, and sex—even really good sex—is not the way to start. Does that make sense?"

She sniffles and nods her head slightly. "One of my biggest fears is that you're gonna hold that mistake I made over me for the rest of our lives, and I don't think I can handle that, Luke. I don't want to continuously be punished by you for what I did. I'm already punishing myself."

I walk over to her, and I'm relieved when she lets me embrace her. We stand this way for several minutes, comforting each other in utter silence. Finally, I say, "I'm not trying to punish you, we just have to give this time. Forcing it will only make things worse. Clearly we still have very strong feelings for each other, and that's a good thing otherwise none of this would be worth it."

Lorelai nods. "I really miss us, Luke. To think, a week ago I needed to break free of you, of _us_, and now I can't imagine life without you."

"What's that saying, time heals all wounds or something? As hard as it is, it's working, and I'm not going to give up on us. Like you said, we need to find some kind of balance." 

* * *

By Sunday morning, I'm feeling a little better about things. With Lorelai gone for the weekend, I can take a breath—and a step back—to reevaluate our situation. It seems from our conversation on Friday night that the biggest sore spot from the past six months was my handling of April. I didn't handle it, let's be honest, but I'm trying to right that wrong. I call Anna and ask her to meet me for lunch, any place she chooses, so that we can have a real conversation. A conversation that doesn't take place over the phone or in the middle of my diner. She chooses a place in New Haven called Bella's Cafe, and as I pull up, I can't help but think that this is the kind of place Lorelai would choose as well—with it's lime green awning and painted rooster on the sign.

We order our lunch at the counter—which looks more like a bar minus the taps and beer glasses—and take a seat at a nearby table. Small talk is not one of my strong suits, so when Anna starts to babble on about pillow shipments and a jewelry mixup, I'm somewhat relieved. Our food arrives, and after a few minutes of silence, I decide to get to the point of this outing.

"Remember last week when I called, and we talked about me being consistent, and you said I've changed and that it might have something to do with my fiancée?"

Anna looks up from her salad and eyes me curiously. "Yes. I also mentioned aging, too."

Grinning, I say, "Right, you did." My stomach is in knots, so I push my sandwich to the side. "Um, here's the thing. I want to be honest with you to try and prove to you that I _have_ changed. Lorelai and I are no longer engaged."

Her eyes widen slightly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay, it's what's best for right now. We're still together. We're just taking some time to figure things out, and the one thing we both agree on is that I want her to get to know April."

"Luke—"

"Wait," I say, cutting her off. "Let me finish, please." She says fine and sits back to hear me out. "I've known Lorelai for ten years. It was eight years before I even asked her out. Whether she's in my life as my fiancée or my girlfriend or just a friend, she's _in_ my life. You have your rules, and I get that, so does Lorelai, but me keeping everyone separate is part of why we fell apart, and I don't want you to think I'm unstable or anything, but I wanted you to understand where I was coming from."

Anna leans forward after a stretch of silence, and I can't help but hold my breath out of fear for what her response will be. "Luke, you're the last person in the world that I would think of as unstable. A bit of a curmudgeon, yes, but definitely not unstable. April wouldn't be spending so much time with you if I thought that."

I nod slowly and release the breath I'm holding. "Thanks, but I can't help feeling like there's a but coming."

Anna grins. "But…I need to think about it and maybe ask April how she feels. She's only thirteen, but her opinion should count for something, too."

"Yeah, definitely. I agree." The knots in my stomach finally loosen, and I'm able to enjoy the rest of my lunch. I listen as Anna tells me about April's newest obsession—the Human Genome Project—and it's not lost on me that it may have something to do with the work April did in retrieving and testing DNA samples all those months ago.

We're standing outside the cafe, saying our goodbyes on the sidewalk, when I see Rory approaching us. She seems to hesitate at first, but when I wave in her direction, she plasters a smile on her face and continues toward us.

"Of all the gin joints! What brings you to my neck of the woods?" asks Rory as we share a rather awkward side hug.

"I was having lunch with April's mom." I introduce Rory to Anna, and I notice something pass between the two of them.

"You look so familiar, have we met before?" asks Anna.

"Well she's the spitting image of Lorelai, that's probably why." I look over at Rory, and she's obviously uncomfortable. It suddenly occurs to me that this whole scene probably looks quite questionable, and I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea.

"Actually," says Rory, "we have met. I bought a purse from your store a few months ago. The PanAm bag?"

Realization hits Anna and she laughs. "Oh! Right, I do remember that. Small world, huh?"

Rory nods. "Yeah, super small."

I stand there, confused, as Anna says she needs to get back to the store and hurries to her car across the street. Turning my attention back to Rory, I say, "I didn't realize the two of you met."

Rory gives me an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I never told you. I was curious about who she was and even Mom didn't want me going to her store, but I was annoyed with Logan at the time, and I guess I needed a distraction. Are you mad?"

I grin. "Nah, I'm not mad. It's a little weird, I guess, and totally something Lorelai would have done had it been anyone else other than the mystery mother of my child."

"True." Rory hesitates before saying, "I didn't realize the two of you hung out."

It takes me a second to realize she's referring to Anna. "We don't, believe me. I'm just, uh, trying to make things right."

Rory nods, and I'm reminded that she knows the bulk of what's been going on. How much of the recent stuff Lorelai has shared with her, I have no clue. Out of the blue she says, "She's okay. I talked to her this morning, and she sounds better than she has in a long time."

Better because she's away from me or better because she was able to clear her head somewhat? Either way, I decide, she needs to happy. I want nothing more than to see her truly happy, whatever that takes. 

* * *

I decide to take Monday off when I'm hit with a sudden burst of restless energy. It's been months since I was physically active, so I decide to head to Lorelai's house to tend to her yard. She's not due back from New York until tonight, so I take the opportunity to mow the lawn, rake, and trim back the bushes in the front yard. As I'm bagging up the leaves and debris from the yard, a flash of bright pink catches my eye, and I look up to see April riding her bike down the driveway.

I carry the bags over to the corner of the yard and wait for April to climb off her bike. "Hey, how did you know where to find me?"

She walks over and stops in front of me. "Caesar."

"Ah, figures. Did I forget we had something planned today?" We walk over to the porch, and I grab my discarded plaid shirt, pulling my arms through it quickly.

"Nope, I just wanted to see you. It's been a while." April looks around, taking in the house behind me. "So this is Lorelai's place, huh? It's really nice."

It hits me once again how separate a life I was living. My own daughter has never been to the house that I should be sharing with my should be fiancée. "Thanks. We did some remodeling last summer."

April takes a seat on the top steps of the porch and looks around at the yard. The scene, while small and insignificant, makes me feel hopeful. All the times I've visited with April, it was at the diner. It never felt as familial as it does now, and I realize more than ever how much I want her to be a part of Lorelai's and my life.

I clear my throat and ask, "Does your mom know you're here?"

"She does," answers April with a nod. "And the reason I'm here is to tell you that I think it'll be great to hang out with Lorelai more. She seems fun, and I don't know why I haven't seen more of her."

"That was my fault, and it had nothing to do with you, I hope you don't think that."

"No, I know Mom has rules, but she's cool with it if I am."

April's nonchalant manner never fails to make me smile. If I was half the carefree person she was, things would go a lot more smoothly in my life. I ruffle the top of her frizzy head, and she follows me to my truck. After tossing the garbage bags in the back and loading up April's bike, we head to the diner for lunch. For the first time in three days, I feel optimistic about the future.


	11. Chapter 11-Lorelai

I step off the platform at Hartford Union Station and breathe in the familiar, Connecticut air. This past weekend was what I needed, but at the same time, I'm happy to be back amongst familiar surroundings. I walk to the Spruce Street Parking Lot adjacent to the train station and load my roller suitcase in the back of my Jeep before climbing in. Fighting the urge to call Luke, I instead call Rory first to tell her I made it back. We talk briefly as I pull out of the parking lot, but there's something in her tone that gets my mom antennae up.

"Are you okay? You sound kind of down for a girl that's getting four books from McNally Jackson instead of only two. Fess up, is it Logan?"

Rory sighs. "No, it isn't Logan. I saw Luke yesterday in New Haven. He was having lunch with Anna, and it came out that we met before when I went to her store."

"Huh. Was Luke upset about it?" Stupid question, of course he would be upset. He probably thinks I sent my daughter out as a spy.

"No, he was fine, but I still felt bad for keeping it from him. And it was really weird seeing him with Anna, but he said he was trying to make things right. Whatever that means."

I know exactly what that means, but I have to force myself to not get too excited until I hear it straight from the horse's mouth. "Trust me, if Luke was upset, you'd know it. That's probably why he isn't a poker player because the guy shows all of his emotions on his face."

Rory agrees, and we say our goodbyes with a promise of a movie night later on in the week. A half hour later, I take the Stars Hollow exit, and I feel happier than I thought I would as I drive through town. It's only a little after six, so I decide to drop in on Sookie at her house to see how the weekend went.

"Welcome back, sweetie!" she chirps when the front door opens. We hug, and I follow her through the house and into the kitchen where the four of them are having dinner.

"I'm sorry, I should have called first." Instead of protesting, Sookie hands me a plate, and I sit down to join them.

It feels like old times, even with the addition of Martha, and I can't help but think about Luke and all the times he tagged along with me here to have dinner. Not once did he ever complain, and I feel as if I took it for granted. We finish eating, and I help Sookie clear the table while Jackson goes to bathe the kids.

"How are you feeling?" asks Sookie as she hands clean plates to me that I then place in the drying rack.

"A lot better. I have to tell you, I don't know why I was so worried what people would think about Luke and me. None of that matters at the end of the day. All that matters is what we're doing to try and change things. I can't believe I let that get into my head."

"Have you talked to him since coming home?"

"No, we left things on kind of weird note Friday night, and I haven't talked to him since. He knows I wasn't planning on calling while I was gone, that was the whole reason for the trip." I grab a dish towel and start drying off the counter top.

"You might want to call him. I heard through the grapevine that you had a visitor or two at your house today." Sookie gives me a sideways glance, and my interest is now peaked. Who the hell would have been at my house while I was gone?

Instead of calling Luke right away, I decide to head home and at least get comfortable. As I'm walking up the steps towards my darkened porch, a deep voice greets me to my left, and all I can do is scream.

"Hey, it's just me," says Luke with his hands raised in surrender. "I left my house key here because, well…so I couldn't let myself in to turn on your porch light. I didn't feel like breaking in through the back door, so I decided to wait on the seat out here."

My heart rate starts to slow down, and even though it's dark out here, the sight of Luke's face calms me even more. "That's okay, come inside."

Luke follows me in, and I realize it's the first time he's been here since last Saturday. I roll my suitcase to the foot of the stairs and make my way to the kitchen. "You want something to drink? I have water, I think, and maybe a few beers."

Luke opts for water, and I grab one as well. We stand there awkwardly, sipping our drinks, as silence fills the room.

"I'm glad you're back. You look…rested," says Luke, cringing slightly at his lame remark.

Chuckling softly, I say, "Thanks, I am. It's good to be home. I noticed my well-manicured lawn out there, is that your handiwork?"

Luke takes a gulp of water and nods before swallowing. "Yeah, it was looking kinda shabby, so I thought I'd come over and take care of it. That's okay, right?"

"Of course. Did you have someone helping you?"

His eyebrows knit in confusion and he says no. Maybe Sookie misheard or maybe the rumor mill is just that: filled with rumors instead of truth.

"I have some news," says Luke, and judging by his half-smile, I know it has to be something good. I say a silent prayer that it _is _something good because we really can't afford more bad karma. "I had lunch with Anna yesterday, and we talked about you and me and spending more time with April."

I pull out a chair and gesture for him to do the same. When he sits down, I ask, "How did she feel about that?"

Luke recaps their lunch and the conversation that was had. For some reason I hate that she knows we're no longer engaged—like Anna won somehow—but I push the thought aside. Luke's words to her truly touch me, and no matter the outcome, it pleases me that he was trying to defend me in a way. He also fills me in on seeing Rory, and I confirm that she did tell me about it and that I did get upset at the fact that she went to Anna's store.

"It sounds like it was all pretty civil, not like the last time you saw her."

"No, definitely a complete one eighty which was a relief."

I sigh happily. "This is great, Luke. I'm glad you were able to talk to her. I guess we just have to wait and see what she says."

"Nope. April came to see me today while I was here." Aha, the mystery visitor.

"How did she know where to find you?"

"Caesar told her when she stopped by the diner." He pauses briefly. "She, uh, wants to spend more time with you, and she told Anna that, so it looks like everyone is on board."

Grinning like a fool, I say, "Really?" Luke nods, and I can't help but lunge for him, hugging him fiercely. It's the first physical contact we've had since our awkward tryst at the inn, and my embarrassment over the situation disappears.

Luke threads his fingers through my hair and pulls me in for a kiss, letting it linger for a few seconds. When we separate he asks if I'm hungry, and I tell him about my dinner with the Bellevilles. Afterwards he tells me he has to head back to the diner, and I want more than anything to ask him to stay, but I don't want another disaster evening, so I give him one more kiss and a promise that I'll see him tomorrow for breakfast.

A few hours later I'm unpacking my suitcase when the house phone rings. "Hello?"

"What would you say to a trip to the American Clock and Watch Museum in Bristol on Friday?" asks Luke.

Chuckling, I answer, "I'd say you have the wrong number."

"Well, it's the only museum in Connecticut that April hasn't been to and I thought…"

"There's probably a reason for that, hon."

Luke sighs, and a feeling of guilt hits me. Clearly he's trying to make this work, and here I am cracking jokes, per usual. Before I can speak, he says, "Well if I think of something else, I'll let you know."

"No, Luke, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made fun of the idea. A museum sounds great, and I know April would love it. I just don't want you to think that you have to plan all of these outings for us. As long as we all hang out together every now and then, I'll be happy."

"Well I was thinking of taking her to Lake Compounce, too. It opens this week."

I gasp. "Can we do both?"

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Luke," I whine, "Lake Compounce is the best amusement slash waterpark in the state of Connecticut. April would love it, which will make me love it even more, which will make _you_ love it." A few more pretty pleases added in and Luke caves. We hang up so that he can check to make sure the trip is Anna-approved.

The next morning I bound into the diner, and everyone stops what they're doing and turns to stare. I cringe inwardly at the unwanted attention and make a beeline for the counter. The chatter starts to pick up around me, and I can start to relax. Luke appears from the kitchen, and we share a smile and a quick over-the-counter kiss. Take that, townspeople.

"Morning, want some coffee?" asks Luke as he reaches for my favorite mug.

"Please."

He fills up the mug and tells me that Anna is okay with the outing as long as April is back before sundown. A thought occurs to me as I sip my coffee and listen to Luke's plan for Friday.

"So, we've talked a little bit about how Anna feels with all of this, but what are you feeling?" I ask as I pretend to peruse the menu in front of me. When he doesn't immediately answer, I feel myself tense up slightly.

"This is what I want, Lorelai, and it didn't really hit me until she came to your house yesterday how much I've been missing out on by not having all of us together and starting a life, a _real_ life."

His response makes me tear up and fills me with so much happiness. Maybe we can have the middle and end that we deserve after all.

By Friday morning I am a nervous wreck. The good kind of nervous, like not knowing what to expect and wanting nothing more than a perfect day. We stop in Woodbridge to pick up April, and Anna and I exchange pleasantries. She seems okay with the situation so far, and I do my best not to babble on incessantly. As we make our way north towards Bristol, the silence in the cab of the truck starts to get to me.

"The clock museum, huh? Are you as excited as I am?" I ask, putting way too much emphasis on the excited part.

April chuckles. "I'd actually be fine with spending the day at the waterpark. Did you know that waterslides have curved sides because of our body's inertia, and without it, we'd plunge right over the edge?"

"No, I didn't. I always thought it was to keep the water in." I look over at Luke as April continues to babble on about the physics of waterslides, and we share a smile.

Going with April's request, we skip the museum—thank God—and head straight for Lake Compounce. It's not quite noon, but the park is already full. We park the truck and head through the tunneled-entrance to the ticket counter. Since we came dressed for the museum, Luke decides to rent a large locker to store all of our clothes.

"Wow, this is definitely something," says Luke, sounding a little unsure.

Threading my fingers through his, I give his hand a squeeze. "When you see how excited she gets, none of the other annoying things about this place will matter. Trust me."

Luke looks down at me as we walk, hand in hand. "I do trust you."

For a moment, I'm unsure if he means with the park or me in general. Either way, it feels good to hear it. I lean in and kiss him softly before I feel a tug on my arm.

"Lorelai, let's get in line for the Tunnel Twisters!" says April, excitedly.

I look at Luke, silently asking for permission, and he waves me off with a smile. As we walk over to wait in line, I hear a tiny voice calling out "Aunt Lorelai".

April and I both look around as she asks, "How are you an aunt? Do you have siblings?"

"No, I'm an only…" That's when I spot G.G. standing in line for the train with Christopher. "Child."


	12. Chapter 12-Luke

I stand there as the two most important people in my life walk off together towards the waterslides. A few weeks ago, the thought of Lorelai doing anything like this made me leery. I had told her it was because I felt April would like her better, but honestly, I wasn't ready to share her. Lorelai and Rory have this amazing bond and their own little world. Anna has had April to herself for almost thirteen years, so I'm sure that bond is just as close-knit. I want nothing more than to have a connection with my daughter, but over the last week or so, I've been able to see that this takes time and I do, in fact, have a great relationship so far with April.

After locking up our belongings in the rented locker, I go in search of the girls. April said something about a Tunnel Twister, so I follow the signs until I reach the waterslide. Standing about a foot away from my daughter and Lorelai is Christopher, holding his own daughter on his hip. I realize this is the first time I've ever seen the kid, and a part of me is relieved that she looks nothing like Rory.

Lorelai looks over at me and widens her eyes as if to silently say "This is just our luck". Instead, she actually says, "Hey, hon, look who we ran into." She then turns to the little girl and says, "G.G. this is Luke. Can you say hi?"

Instead of answering, G.G. gives me a death stare as if I'm the bad guy here or as if it were _me_ who tried to come in between two people. I swallow those thoughts and give her a half smile. "That's okay. You shouldn't talk to strangers, anyway."

April rolls her eyes. "Not the strangler lecture again, Dad."

Dad. Never before has April addressed me directly as her dad. On the bus home from Philadelphia, she said it to her friends in passing, unaware that I even heard her. It felt good then, but hearing it now—in that annoyed teenaged-tone—feels like some right of passage, and I can't help but smile.

Lorelai's brows knit in confusion but giggles softly. "Strangler lecture?"

"It's not as morbid as it sounds." I gesture behind her with my head. "The line is moving up."

"We'll let you guys get back to your day, G.G. just wanted to say hi to Lorelai." Christopher looks from me to April. "It was nice to meet you, April."

Hearing him say my daughter's name causes something inside me to shift. This is too close to home. Deep down I know that in some form or another Christopher will be around. When Rory graduates college or gets married or even has kids of her own. All I can hope for is by the time any of those events take place—hopefully that last one is _far_ into the future—the feeling of dread in my gut no longer exists.

After Christopher and G.G. walk off, Lorelai loops her arm with mine. "What's going on in there?"

So many things, but I want today to be a good day so I quietly answer, "April called me Dad."

"I heard," says Lorelai with a grin. "Are you okay about the other thing, though?"

Sighing, I say, "We're in a public place. These things are bound to happen, I guess."

Lorelai nods but there's an unsureness in her eyes. She gives my bicep a squeeze before turning around and walking ahead to catch up with April. I'm oddly not mad about seeing Christopher here. As jealous as I know I can be, this incident didn't ignite that feeling for me. If anything it made me feel more protective of my family. Lorelai and I are pushing through this mess, and it has to be for something. Otherwise, she would have said to hell with it and chose him. She's here, though, and I have to put my faith in that.

Two hours—and two exhausted girls later—we head back to drop April off at home. I slide out followed by April as Lorelai exits from her side of the truck. They hug briefly with a promise of seeing each other soon, and I walk April to her front door. Anna opens the door, clearly anticipating our return, and looks at me expectantly.

"All was well?" asks Anna as her and April embrace briefly.

"It was great! We didn't get to ride _every_ waterslide, so hopefully by the end of the summer we can get through them all." April bounds into the house leaving Anna and me alone.

"By the end of the summer?" Anna raises her chin slightly, appraising me.

I hold my palms up in surrender. "I didn't make any promises to her, and neither did Lorelai. That's all April's wishful thinking. I'll leave that discussion up to you."

"She came back in one piece. So far, so good." Anna smiles and we say our goodbyes.

Walking back to my truck, I feel calmer than I have in a long time. Could this all really be working out? As we head back to Stars Hollow, I can't help but feel like there's a little bit of tension in the air. Sneaking a quick peek over at Lorelai, I can see her chewing gently on her bottom lip lost in thought.

"Hey," I say softly. She startles somewhat before looking over at me. "Today was a good day."

"Are you sure? You can tell me the truth. It was really weird seeing Christopher, and not just because of everything that happened but because never in a million years would he have taken Rory to a waterpark."

Never in a million years would I have thought that that would be bothering her. I forget sometimes that Lorelai must be going through resentment of her own when it comes to Christopher. There are moments that she missed out on—like I did with April—when it comes to having her family together, romantically involved or not. She never lets any of that show, and I never think to ask.

"You want to talk about it? I don't mind."

Lorelai sighs. "There are very few times when I think back and say 'Man, that would have been great if Rory's dad could have been there to see it'. Mostly school stuff and only to show him that _I _helped make this possible, not him. Still, after all these years, I feel like Rory deserves the dad that he is with G.G. And I know she doesn't care about that stuff and that _our_ time together will be what she cherishes the most, but I can't help but wonder sometimes if I was truly enough for her. I know we had Mia and Sookie and you, but there are moments she'll never get back, and it makes me sad sometimes."

"I know how you feel, Lorelai. It kills me that he knew she was here this whole time and never showed up for her. But I don't think a single part of her wishes that it was different. You are all that girl ever needed. _You _are enough."

She looks over at me with unshed tears in her eyes and smiles. "You're pretty great, you know that?"

Without answering, I signal for her to scoot closer to me, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders. We ride in comfortable silence the rest of the way home, her head resting on my shoulder.

The following Wednesday I'm wiping down the counter after the lunch rush has died down when the diner phone rings. "Luke's!"

"Hey, Dad, it's me. Are you busy?"

"Nope. Lunch is about over, so I'm playing catch up. What's going on?"

"I wanted to let you know I'll be in Mystic next week. My friend Melanie's family has this cabin on the lake in the woods which sounds rustic but is actually pretty modernized. Anyway, we leave on the third and come back on the ninth, and Mom says she's okay with me helping you out at the diner as long as I don't overdo it and can still help her out here at the store if she needs me."

Too much information all at once. "Okay, okay. Slow down. The third of when, June? July?"

"_June_ third. It's this Saturday. I have to go, but I'll call you next Friday when I get home."

We hang up, and I stand there with the words "June third" replaying over and over in my head. Only, it's not April's voice I hear, it's Lorelai's. The past few days have been good. Lorelai pops in for breakfast or lunch, never both. She goes home to her place, and I stay at mine upstairs. There's more of an ease to our day to day that we didn't have three weeks ago, and I've started to feel more at peace with things.

It's crazy to think that had April not come along Lorelai and I would be getting married this Saturday. I often wonder if everything that happened this last year brought out the worst in us or by some strange notion, brought out who we were deep down. As comfortable and solid as I felt our relationship was this time last summer, maybe it wasn't. All of these consequences to our actions brought to the surface the fact that we weren't ready for marriage. The events that took place to cause this realization are not at all pleasant, and given a redo, I would choose to avoid it and have anything else happen, but here we are.

The thought of this would-be special date coming up reminds me that Lorelai may have a harder time dealing with it than I will; she was the one who set it originally. An idea quickly forms in my head, and I grab the phone before I lose my nerve.

"Dragonfly Inn, Lorelai speaking."

"It's me, you have a minute." She says yes, and I continue, "Do you want to do something with me this weekend? Just the two of us?"

She hesitates, and I'm almost positive she's going to tell me no, that it's too soon. "Yes," she answers softly.

A grin blooms across my face at the shyness in her voice. It almost feels as if we're going on our first date, not knowing what to expect but still excited, and I can't wait to put the plan in motion. Before we hang up, I tell her to come by the diner for dinner so that we can at least coordinate when we'll leave on Saturday and from whose location.

At six o'clock the bells ring out signaling Lorelai's entrance. I drop off a plate at the table near the door and surprise her with a quick, middle-of-the-diner kiss on the lips. Public displays of affection are not my thing by a long shot, but I've missed her lately, and I want her to know that.

"Hello, there," she says as she takes a seat at the counter. "Sorry I didn't make it in today. I let Michel plan a staff meeting which I instantly regretted when I showed up this morning, and he did not, so the meeting ended up running through lunch, and then you called about dinner, so I figured…" She takes a deep breath, releasing it quickly.

"It's okay. Coffee?" She says yes, so I fill up a mug and slide it in front of her. "You know what you want?"

"I'm feeling something comforting and heavy. Like, oh! Pot roast and mashed potatoes?"

"How about meatloaf? I haven't made pot roast in weeks. It's not exactly a hit during the hot summer months."

She reluctantly agrees, and I head to the kitchen to give Caesar her order. A few customers are waiting to check out when I return, so I take care of them quickly before standing back in front of Lorelai. "So…"

She eyes me over the rim of her mug as she sips her coffee. "So, a weekend together. You think we can handle it?"

Her tone is almost playful, but there's something in her eyes that tells me she's a little worried. I lean down on both elbows so that I'm eye level with her. "Saturday is June third, and I know the date means nothing now, but I don't want it to be tarnished. I want it to be a good day, just the two of us."

Her eyes drop briefly to the counter before looking back at me. "What did you have in mind?"


	13. Chapter 13-Lorelai

June third: a day I thought would have me riddled with pain because of what was supposed to happen is currently filling me with excitement and anticipation.

A few days ago Luke brought up the idea of the two of us spending the weekend together, and I have to admit I was a little concerned. Although we have come a long way in the almost month since our relationship imploded, we haven't spent much one on one time together since Valentine's Day weekend in Martha's Vineyard. And what a disaster that turned out to be. This time, however, the trip was on his terms, and I had enough faith in him to not let us down.

Since we would only be gone Saturday and Sunday, I knew the location couldn't be that far. He picks me up at my house before the sun is even warm, and I load my overnight bag in the back of the truck with his. He hands me a to-go cup of coffee from the diner, and I thank him with a quick kiss on the lips. The drive is rather quiet—both of us clearly lost in our own thoughts—but there's a mutual hum of excitement running through us. The wedding I so desperately wanted to take place is at the back of mind as I focus on the future and what it might look like for Luke and me. We both have our flaws. Who doesn't? Sometime it's about loving that person through good _and_ bad times, and a month ago I didn't understand that concept.

We end up in a town called Old Saybrook located on the south coast of Connecticut—about 35 miles away from New Haven. It's such a charming, old beach-y town, and I suddenly realize where it is we're actually headed: Harvey's Beach. Our conversation from Martha's Vineyard the morning we left comes back to me. The easiness of it and how happy and relaxed we were. The fact that, despite growing up in two completely different worlds, we may have been at the same place at the same time. Not all of our moments over the last few months were terrible, and I smile as I hold onto that thought.

Luke pulls up to the Saybrook Point Inn and Spa. The place is massive with it's butter yellow exterior and gorgeous view of the surrounding marina. I'm immediately at peace as we exit the truck and grab our bags.

"This place is beautiful, Luke. How did you find it?"

He pulls open the door to the entrance and ushers me inside. "Kirk let me use his computer. I knew I wanted to come to Harvey's Beach, so I did a quick search of places to stay near there."

We check in and head to our room to offload our bags. The suite is just as beautiful as one would assume. There are two, huge picture windows that overlook the marina. There's a large desk along one wall and a small, round dining room table for two next to it. On that same side is a fireplace, and above it, there's a flat-screen t.v. On the opposite side of the room is a chest of drawers for storing our belongings, the bathroom—massive with a large countertop, jacuzzi tub, and stand-up shower—and last but certainly not least, _one_ queen-sized bed.

I change out of my jeans and t-shirt into some cut-off shorts with my bikini top underneath a snug-fitting muscle shirt. Luke surprises me by ditching his plaid and jeans for a t-shirt and a pair of khaki cargo shorts.

"I figure we could do the beach today and maybe rent a boat from the marina tomorrow. There's a spa downstairs if you'd rather do that. Whatever you want." Luke slides his hands into his pockets and I can hear the sound of his truck keys jingling. He's nervous.

I smooth my hand down his arm. "It's what _we_ want to do. It's both of our weekend, okay?"

Luke smiles, and I lean in to kiss him gently, letting it linger for a second. A minute later we climb back into the truck and head for the beach. It's exactly as I remember it. The snack stand and right behind that, the bathroom and shower area. The wharfs and the tall grass. There were people swimming, fishing, and even sunbathing. We decide to hit the snack stand first since we haven't eaten breakfast and we're both starved. I opt for a hotdog and bag of potato chips while Luke orders a club sandwich. We take our food to an empty picnic table on the sand and tell each other stories about all the times we've come here as kids.

After lunch, we toss away our trash and walk hand-in-hand down the beach. Despite it being the beginning of June, the water is quite cold, and we walk where it can lap at our feet to counteract the hot sand. After a few minutes of silence, I finally ask, "So, why Harvey's Beach?"

Luke looks ahead, and I can tell he was most likely anticipating my question. "I kept thinking back to our trip to the Vineyard and how we talked about coming here as kids. The possibility that we could have been somewhere at the same time, same place made me wonder."

"Wonder what?"

"That if I brought us to that place, maybe we would feel what we did at that moment in the Vineyard. Happy, hopeful, more like how we used to be. It sounds dumb I know, but it made a lot more sense in my head."

We stop walking, and I pull on his arm to get his attention. "It's not dumb, Luke. From the second we got here, that's all I've been thinking about. Yes, that weekend felt like such a disaster, but that moment—when we were simply _us_ again—was all I wanted."

His eyes search mine, and before I know it, our lips meet in a passionate kiss. I'm nearly knocked off balance by the force of it, but Luke bends down slightly, grabbing the backs of my thighs, and pulls me up as I wrap my legs around his waist. My head is hazy and my heart is pounding. I feel movement and before I can completely register what is happening, Luke falls backwards into the water, taking me along with him.

"Oh my, God!" I cry out. I start laughing hysterically and Luke soon joins in. "Give me a little warning next time you plan on baptizing me in the beach."

"I'm sorry," he laughs. "Things were getting a little too serious."

"No, you just wanted to get me all wet." We grin at each other for a second. "Dirty, I know."

We walk out of the water and plop down on the dry sand. "Is this what you want?" asks Luke, suddenly.

"Wet beach hair? Not really," I answer with a laugh.

"Not that, this. Our life. Together."

The seriousness in his tone sobers me up, and for a moment I stare back at him, unblinking. "More than anything."

He gives me that lop-sided grin that drives me crazy and runs the pad of his thumb along my jawline. We lean in at the same time, and our lips meet again. It's not passionate or hurried. There's a tenderness to it—almost as if we're savoring one another and truly enjoying the moment. A minute later my back is on the sand with Luke's body pressed onto mine. Nothing else in the world exists at that moment. Well, except for the older man walking down the beach carrying a fishing pole and a bucket.

"Beautiful day, huh?" says the man as he passes by.

We smile against each other's lips before Luke looks up and greets the man. The moment is gone for now, but something tells me it's not for good. Luke helps me stand, and we brush the sand off our bodies the best we can. By the time we make it back to the truck, we're dried off enough to climb in and head back to the inn.

"It's so gorgeous here. You don't think about that kind of stuff when you're a kid. It's all about the fun stuff, nothing concrete." I scoot to the middle seat and rest my head on Luke's shoulder.

"There's a restaurant outside the inn by the marina we could check out. For an early dinner or whatever."

I hum my approval as I let the feeling of complete and utter contentment wash over me. Twenty minutes later we pull up at the inn and check in at the restaurant to see if we need a reservation. They tell us yes, and we give them Luke's name to reserve a table for five o'clock.

"Did you want to go anywhere while we wait for dinner or just hang out in the room?" asks Luke as we head for the elevators.

"All I can think about right now is a shower or maybe even a dip in the jacuzzi tub."

Luke opens the door to our suite before following me in. "Are you hungry? We have a while until dinner, I can order us something so you can do what you have to do."

I pluck the menu off of the desk and peruse it for a few seconds. It's mostly healthier foods but not completely out of my taste range. We both opt for pasta salad and a bottle of sparkling water. Luke heads downstairs to pick up the food as I hop in the shower to save time. By the time I'm done, I can hear the shuffling of bags and clinking of ice. Pulling on one of the robes hanging next to the shower, I join Luke back in the suite.

We eat at the table as Luke tells me about the overly excited clientele he met near the spa and that I may want to consider a spa day for tomorrow just so that I can see for myself. Our playful banter continues throughout the meal, and when we're done, I suggest we put on a movie. He lets me choose—the options are scarce—and I decide on _A History of Violence _while Luke showers quickly. Realizing I'm still in my comfy robe, I shed it and pull on a clean, soft t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts, nothing else.

About a half hour into the movie, I'm completely zoned out and can think of nothing but our tryst on the beach earlier. The thing holding me back is our last tryst at the inn a few weeks ago. For a moment we were on the same page, until we weren't. It was humiliating, but it also made sense. We weren't ready at the time to dive back into something romantic. But now?

As if reading my mind, Luke shifts so that we're lying on our sides facing each other. He smooths his hand down my waist and to my hip, giving it a gentle squeeze. I reach out and cup his cheek with my hand as I graze my bottom lip gently with my teeth. My heart rate picks up and for the first time in a long time, I'm nervous about what comes next. Sex was always sex for me, but not with Luke, though. It was almost always making love, as cheesy as that phrase is, and with that, comes a certain connection. I want more than anything to know if we still have that connection, but I'm also afraid of what will happen if we don't.

He leans in, pressing his lips to mine, and I close my eyes as I relish the feel. I roll onto my back without breaking the connection and wrap my arms around Luke's neck, deepening the kiss. We lay like that for a while: moaning softly with our tongues swirling gently. He slips his warm hand underneath my shirt and cups my breast. Breaking the kiss to catch our breath, we lock eyes for a moment. I search his for any sign of regret or hesitation, but all I see is love.

"Now's your chance to stop," I say breathlessly, dragging my nails gently down his scruffy cheek.

"Not this time," he answers before recapturing my lips.

Luke rolls us over so that I'm straddling his thighs, and I take the opportunity to whip my t-shirt up and over my head. He sits up and does the same before nuzzling my neck. Goosebumps cover my skin as the pleasure takes over my body. Was it always like this or has it just been that long? One thing is for sure, the connection is definitely still there, and it feels better than ever.

Afterwards we lay with just the sheet covering our naked bodies. My back is to his front and he rubs up and down my arm gently, lulling me to sleep. Thoughts about the past month swirl around my head. We took a break so that we could figure out what we wanted, but the whole time what we wanted was always right in front of us. I may not have completely found myself, but I no longer feel broken. Our relationship no longer feels broken. Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom in order to bounce back up. Mistakes were made—huge ones—but if I tried to go back and fix them all, I'd erase myself. And I don't know what the future holds for Luke and me, but it'll be a future together. With our blended families and our unbreakable bond, the sky is the limit, and it makes me believe in the power of love. Oh great, now that song will be stuck in my head. 

* * *

**A/N:** This is the last chapter, guys! The point of my little story was to get the L's back on track and _maybe_ on the road to marriage (the two of them being happy and together was more of a priority for me). Thanks to everyone who followed along and left really great reviews—it's ALWAYS appreciated. Until next time… :)


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